Invisible character Page 2

Quote: Marc P @ 1st May 2014, 10:02 AM BST

The answer to your question lies in another question - why a monologue and not a duologue?
Answer that and it should become clear how to present it on the page.

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The character is surrounded by a crowd and responding to them. I don't want or need to see the crowd on stage. I know this works. I've written a monologue for a friend of a singer responding to hecklers.

Because that was a friend, I could explain the nature of the script so the formatting was less important.

As this script is more speculative I'd like it to be clear on the page.

Quote: Lazzard @ 1st May 2014, 9:54 AM BST

Unless you have action between the lines, don't split it up - it'll become tiresome to read.
I would use "..." and parenthicals ie (beat) (pause) - and in this case I reckon it would be valid to put some basic action directions in parenthicals eg (steps back)
But essentially make it one slug of dialogue

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So

Character: What am I doing? I'm having an argument...Yes, with my shoes...because they're going in the wrong direction...excuse me, I think I understand full well what my shoes are doing.

Possibly with a direction

Character is heckled by a passerby

Character: What am I doing? I'm having an argument...Yes, with my shoes...because they're going in the wrong direction...excuse me, I think I understand full well what my shoes are doing.

Okay, to confuse the issue. I've got two characters on stage. I want one to interpret what the unseen character is saying, so

Character1 is heckled by a passerby

Character1: [To passerby] What am I doing? I'm having an argument...Yes, with my shoes...because they're going in the wrong direction...excuse me, I think I understand full well what my shoes are doing. [to Character2] I can't stand it when people go on about your shoes

Character2: First world problems, mate

Character1: [To character2] Universal problem...[To passerby] Can you leave it out please, this is between me, my mate, and my shoes

Is that clear. Do you understand who's saying what to whom?

To my mind, that makes it a sound like the passerby is on stage.

If we can neither see or hear who he is talking to, is it for you to tell us who it is? Or isn't that for the audience to decide if it is a passerby, a policeman or a tiger?

If it's a spec script just on a general basis then who will you be sending it to? A group with a bunch of actors will be asking the question why should we be doing something when no one can see us doing it? It's all a bit vague Trinder. The main thing with any spec script is to draw the reader into the story immediately and not put obstacles in the way of that.