British Comedy Guide

Another police gag

Two policemen walk up the garden path and ring the bell on a door. A housewife in her dressing gown answers.

Policeman 1. Mrs Smith?
Woman.Yes.
Policeman 1. (smiling) Have a guess why we're here.
Woman.What?
Policeman 2.Go on, have a guess.
Woman.Sorry but I don't understand....
Policeman 1.What's not to understand, two policemen have just rung your door bell, so we must be here for something.
Woman.Look I'm really sorry but maybe you've got the wrong house.
Policeman 2.(looking at his clipboard) Mrs Smith? (looking at the house) No 12 Mount Crescent?
Woman.Yes, that's me
Policeman 2.So we're in the right place.
Policeman 1.Go on have a guess.
Woman.(Annoyed) because the dog was barking last night?
Policeman 1.No
Woman.The tax is up on my car?
Policeman 2No
Woman(struggling for something to say) My husbands' been arrested?
Policeman 1ooooh, getting warmer.
WomanWhat, what's happened?
Policeman 2He hasn't been arrested.
WomanIs he OK?
Policeman 1Now you're getting there.
WomanOh my God is he injured?
Policeman 2So close.......
Woman(puts her hand to her mouth) Oh no, he's not...no.....
Policeman 1Go on, go on......
Woman(in shock) is he dead?
Both policemen yeah.......!!
Policeman 2(to policeman 1) I told you she'd get it!
Woman(Falls to her knees crying) but how......how did this happen?
Policeman 1.(looking at Mrs Smith holding four fingers up) Four words.....fourth word rhymes with 'mash'......

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