ROMESH:
What do Anne Frank,'total football' and cannabis cafes have in common? That's right, they were all born in the Netherlands! Although, only one of them could soon be heading to Britain...
GRAMS: EASTENDERS THEME
BLOKE:
What, so you killed my dad?
WOMAN:
Yeah! But only after I shagged your mum!
BLOKE:
You Freudian bitch!
IAN:
Oi! I'll have no shouting in my caff, okay?
BLOKE:
But shouting's the only thing I'm good at!
IAN:
Well, tough! Now, why don't you both sit down and have some special brownies.
WOMAN:
What's so special about 'em?
IAN:
Well, put it this way... they contain a 'magic' ingredient.
BLOKE:
Hang on, that ingredient wouldn't be drugs, would it?
IAN:
Well...
WOMAN:
Ya pervy sod!
IAN:
Look, I just wanted you to mellow out a bit.
BLOKE:
Mellow out!? Listen, my family's been decimated by incestual murder!
IAN:
Well, so's mine!
BLOKE:
Oh yeah. But that's beside the point; because what you just did took liberties!
WOMAN:
Which is why we're gonna shout even louder! Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!
BLOKE:
Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!
WOMAN:
Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!
IAN:
Alright look, what if I give you some special cigarettes, on the 'ouse?
BLOKE:
Oh, so now you're trying to ply us with drug ciggies, are yer?
IAN:
Err... no?
WOMAN:
Well, then what's so special about 'em?
IAN:
Okay look, the reason they're special... is because you don't have to stand outside to smoke 'em!
WOMAN:
Oh! Well, then I'm sold.
BLOKE:
Yeah, me too.
END