ROMESH:
Like a postman on strike, David Moyes has recently been failing to deliver. Well, actually that's not entirely true, as he has delivered what can loosely be described as an apology.
DAVID:
Dear red devils, if most people are to be believed, then things at our club will only get worse. Well, I agree. After all, I was given a six-year contract!
But even though the future is undeniably bleak, I do hope you can find it within yourselves to not be pessimistic. And to help you with this, I'd like to tell you a wee story about two Scotsmen; one of whom was a confident, charmismatic winner, whilst the other was uncannily similar to me.
You see, after many golden years, the winner grew tired of winning, and so passed the baton to his less capable friend. Now, obviously I'd like to say that his friend equalled, if not bettered his own achievements... but he didn't.
In fact, he quickly gained a reputation for being a human wrecking ball. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel, for after a few dismal years, the Wrongly Chosen One got bent. And with him gone, the Labour party was thus able to elect Ed Miliband and to look forward to a new age of prosperity!
END
