MAN
Cor, this haemorrhoid's a right pain in the arse!
WOMAN
Huh! Well, if you think yours is bad, you should see mine.
MAN
Go on then.
WOMAN
Go on, what?
MAN
Drop your knickers and part your cheeks.
WOMAN
Uh... no way!
MAN
Why not?
WOMAN
What if someone sees?
MAN
Look, this is a private webcam chat. The only person who'd see your piles is me.
WOMAN
Alright, fine... if you show me yours, I'll show your mine.
MAN
Listen, I'll tell you what... let's both drop our undies on a count of three! A-one, a-two...
BEAT
SPY
Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!
BOSS
What is it 006? Is it a terrorist alert?
SPY
No... it's something far, far worse!
END