British Comedy Guide

2525 The Oracle

INTRO - After teleportation took off the streets became littered with broken down cars, imagine Liverpool circa anytime. They disappeared roughly when Scrap Yard Bob bought Mars. But recently a car was discovered that has become so self aware people come from miles around to ask him his advice - he is simply known as the oracle.

F/X Car door opening and closing

SARAH - Erm can you hear me?

ORACLE has a very perky radio voice

ORACLE - Hello Sarah nice of you to drop by how can I get you to your destination?

SARAH - Thanks for seeing me - long time fan first time visitor. I'm single and childless but last week a teenager appeared and said he was my son from the future and told me he hated me before disappearing, and they is one thing I need to know

ORACLE -
How can you fix the relationship before you break it?

F/X car engine

SARAH - Why are you starting the car?

ORACLE - If you want to find out what you truly desire you have to go for a drive - haven't you seen any 1990's Rom Coms? As I was saying, parental relationships are difficult and fast paced

F/X car speeding up

ORACLE - And when the indicator points left often you have turn right

Screech of a car turning

SARAH - (Dismissively) And sometimes it's best to put the brakes on

ORACLE - You're kind of stealing my gimmick here. Do you want to get out and walk? No ones ever learned anything from walking

SARAH - Fine, but it's not what I came here

ORACLE - Oh, what did you want to know?

SARAH - How can I stop myself having a ginger kid?

ORACLE - Get out!

END

I think this one works, nice and zippy.

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