5 minute slot - what should I expect?

Having taken the plunge and got myself 5 mins on stage in a couple of months, I wondered what that entailed in terms of length. Of course it would vary depending on delivery, laughs, heckles, style etc but how long am I looking at in terms of words. I've seen one post suggest 400 words but I fly through 400 words way too quickly, I'm probably nearer the thousand at the moment but is that a typical newbie mistake, or just variation from one comic to another?

Also, how soon before a gig does one settle on the script for the evening. I'm just thinking about advice I'd read against changing the script too soon before a gig.

Finally how critical should I be on my own gags, I try and picture some else saying it to judge whether it's funny, some clearly don't make the cut but I'm finding it hard to gage degrees of 'funny', from a exhaled snigger upwards.

It's good that you are thinking seriously about this but, in all honesty, for your first ever 5 minutes just learn your set (read it through and time yourself, remembering that with the adrenaline of being on stage you'll probably burn through it about 10-20% faster) and try to enjoy yourself.

The analysis and self-criticism can come later (and believe me after a while you'll wish you could make it go away!).

Say what you think is funny, slow down your delivery, make sure you can be seen and heard, pause when you get laughs and have fun.

Remember, you are the only one who knows how it's "supposed to go", so don't bring attention to anything that goes wrong, relax and carry on.

The biggest tip I would give you though is know absolutely what you intend to say on stage, have the entire 5 minutes planned in your head and try to learn it backwards, practice, practice, practice.

The more you know your set the more confident you will feel and the more you will free up your brain to a) enjoy the experience and b) deal with anything which is "off script" as you won't be constantly thinking "What comes next?".

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

I've done two open mics at the same place, both in the last three months. Each time there was a strict four minute slot. I don't know if this is an open mic or not, or how many people will actually be there to see comedy, but from my experience I learned this.

Half of the crowd was there to do their own stuff. So if you don't get a ton of laughs, don't let that discourage you. I was happy enough that the people who were genuinely there to eat food and watch the show did laugh at some of my stuff.

Good luck and keep us up to date.

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to respond. I have been unwell for a few days and it very much led to a good news bad news scenario.

I watched shed loads of comedy, and while laughing along, Peter Kay read out a decent chunk of my script! I'd heard others talk about that sinking feeling when you realise you weren't first to the material and his routine is just too similar to what I had planned. Lucky I saw it I guess, as I imagine everyone else there will have! Oh the disappointment!

So to the good news.... My particular ailment was mildly amusing so I wrote a whole script on that, the trip to the docs, the side effects, the wife's reactions etc. I'm really happy with both what I have written, but the way that seeing my first script evaporate before my eyes didn't become an obstacle and just made me write something else (which I think is better) has given me real encouragement.

@Tony, thanks for your advice, I'd already taken a lot of other advice you'd left on here for others who aspire to not die too badly on stage. In my career I have always followed the 'fail to prepare, prepare to fail' mantra and hope the same approach will serve me well in comedy. I'm already at the stage where I can be delighted with something when I go to bed, and cringing about it when I wake the next morning. Will certainly let you know how I go....

@Tim, I'm grateful for five minutes. It's not been that easy getting time on stage to be honest so five mins gives me a chance to lose my virginity up there, and if I can get a few laughs from a few people, I'm going to be chuffed with that.

@NateSean, I think you have the nail on the head! Its open mic but it's around 40 people and I'd guess at least 5-10 are on stage, plus I would guess some will be friends/family etc. so they might not even be listening to my most humourous endeavours I am going to watch a show (same place/format) next month so build an idea up of what I am facing! Your absolutely right though, I keep focusing on stealing a few laughs from a few people, that's would constitute success for me.

Thanks again for all feedback, when your new to it and don't know anybody who does it, a forum like this can really help!