British Comedy Guide

Short Sketch: Yesterdays World

An idea I had for 2525 when it was first announced. Never got round to writing it til today but trying to get back into the swing of my writing (new year and all that).
Idea is like a backwards Tomorrows World.

Int. studio - day

Aurora

When we think about the 21st century we think about the birth of mass media, global financial instability and genetically engineered viruses designed to cull the lower classes of society. But it was also a time of technical ingenuity. Here to tell us about some of the primitive devices our ancestors used is professor Jordan Katona. So, Professor what is this strange little device that you're holding?

Prof. Katona

Well Aurora, this is a Multi-purpose Mobilised Telephony Device or, as the second Elizabethans called it, a Smartphone.

AURORA

And what would you use something like this for.

PROF. KATONA

Well, for the trendy Elizabethan around town this would be the electronic gateway to your social world, you could communicate with your friends and family, listen to music or make borderline fascist comments about a famous persons sexual preference.

AURORA

So it was like the temporal interface of it's day? It's rather bulky though, I wouldn't like that to be implanted in my skull.

PROF. KATONA

Oh no, the Elizabethans were far to primitive for that. No, the smartphone was a hand operated device.

AURORA

That sounds rather unsanitary.

PROF. KATONA

It certainly was, they would breathe all over them, stick them to their ears and them touch them incessantly and all so that they could attempt to stay in touch with their society as regularly as possible.

AURORA

Well it's no wonder the Kyle Virus spread so easily. But why were the Elizabethans so obsessed this mass media?

PROF. KATONA

No-one really knows, Aurora. Data stored on this very device revealed that it's owner was more interested in audio visual footage of domesticated felines mimicking human behavior than the birth of King George the Terrible.

AURORA

Fascinating. Would it be possible to see some of this footage on this device.

PROF. KATONA

Oh no! These instruments are far too dangerous to be activated. They contain energy cells made up of numerous deadly chemicals and when switched on the device itself can emit violent radiation patterns through your cells.

AURORA

Wow! It sounds like life in the early 21st century was fraught with danger?

PROF. KATONA

Indeed, archives from the last great Twitter war show that Elizabethans were threatening each other from their devices on a regular basis. Assuming 50% of those threats turned to actual violence, and that's a conservative estimate, means that between waiting for your Smartphone to explode, having your bodily tissue irradiated regularly, contracting 37 diseases a day and inviting physical altercations every other time you sent a message it was no wonder the average Elizabethan died in their 80's.

AURORA

Poor souls. Well thanks for showing this to us Professor but I think the Producers would quite like you to lock it away safely now.

PROF. KATONA

Oh yes, quite right.

AURORA

And for those at home good night and please, don't have nightmares.

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