This one is pretty longwinded so I'm more interest to see what works and what doesn't so I can tighten it up.
FX:BOARD ROOM MEETING
CHAIRMAN: Right! Now the next chop off the block is the multitude of complaints we at Bankity
Banks are getting about our new auto teller machines. Now while I don't mind the
supply free toilet paper, those bunch of leftist greenie whingers have started sending
that terrible recycled rubbish (like sand paper, I can still feel the chafing). So we've
really got to get the crux of the problem, unless they suddenly start writing to me on
that expensive four ply.
FX: CUT TO A BUSY BANK
MANAGER: Look, just get in already!
WORKER: Ow! Stop pushing me, its too cramped!
FX: CUT BACK TO BOARD ROOM
BOARD MEMBER 1: Could we just remove the auto teller system?
CHAIRMAN: What! And lose hundreds and thousands of dollars in investment! And not to mention
all those people we sacked to install the machines will be angry with us.
BOARD MEMBER 1:Again.
CHAIRMAN: Oh...right, déjà vu.
BOARD MEMBER 2:Though surely we're past being terrified of angry lynch mobs with pitchforks....
:
FX: ONE OF THE BOARD MEMBERS SCREAMS AND JUMPS UNDER THE TABLE.
BOARD MEMBER 1:Except Jensen.
CHAIRMAN: Yes, except Jensen and his crippling phobia of angry lynch mobs with pitchforks.
FX: MORE SCREAMS COME FROM THE TABLE
CHAIRMAN: No, I think its best if we actually try to work with the problem rather than against it.
FX: CUT BACK TO A BUSY BANK
MANAGER: You in yet Evans?
WORKER: I think I'm losing blood circulation but yeah I'm in... Just one other thing; how am I
going to get out?
MANAGER: Here's a bucket...
FX: CUT BACK TO BOARD ROOM
BOARD MEMBER 2:Well perhaps, what if were to...somehow...maybe. Look what I'm trying to say is this:
What if we put people inside the machine, so you have a machine; which isn't ugly But
has the warmth and compassion of a human being.
CHAIRMAN: Squished inside a small metal box.
BOARD MEMBER 2:Yes, all that human spirit packed in just a small, yet aesthetically pleasing auto teller
box.
CHAIRMAN: Well it's not entirely ethical... But I'll tell you the one thing I learnedwhen I took over
from my father at Bankity Bank...
BOARD MEMBER 1:What's that?
CHAIRMAN: That I don't run a wildlife sanctuary; I run a bank.
FX: CUT TO A BUSY BANK AUTO TELLER
AUTO TELLER 1:I can't breathe; the walls are closing in!
MANAGER: Oh shut up Allen! Claustrophobia is not a real condition!
FX: CUT TO ANOTHER AUTO TELLER
AUTO TELLER 2:20, 30, 40, 45... Shit I've lost count again.
CUSTOMER 1: Can I please just get my cash, I'm late for work.
AUTO TELLER 2:No, you're rushing me, I get stressed when people rush me!
FX: CUT TO ANOTHER AUTO TELLER
CUSTOMER 2: Where is my money?
AUTO TELLER 3: I've dropped it.
CUSTOMER 2: So?
AUTO TELLER 3:I really don't think your going to want it after its been in the bucket.
FX: CUT BACK TO BOARD ROOM
CHAIRMAN: Well folks, I think we can congratulate ourselves on another job well done. Now has
anyone got any toilet paper?
