Polar Bear

FX:KNOCKING ON DOOR.

OFFICER: Ah Good morning, we've had several reports of disturbances from nearby residents, they claim
you've got some sort of 'wild animal' on your premises?

ROY: No, no we've only got our...dog.

FX: PLATES AND FURNITURE SMASHING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

ROY: Excuse me for one second.

FX: ROY RUNS INSIDE, MUFFLED SHOUTING, CAN BE HEARD.

ROY: What have you done! Get off the table!

FX: A TABLE BREAKS INSIDE.

ROY: No! Not on the carpet!

FX: ROY SLAMS A DOOR AND RUNS OUT TO THE DOOR WHERE THE OFFICER IS STANDING.

ROY: Sorry about that, you were saying?

OFFICER: Was that a polar bear?

ROY: ...No.

OFFICER: I swear I saw a huge white bear, just through your front living room.

ROY: No... no that was our dog.

OFFICER:Well it didn't look like a dog. It looked a lot like a bear; like a polar bear.

ROY: No he's...he's just a very obese dog we saved from a... bleach factory.

OFFICER:A bleach factory?

ROY: Yep; permanently stained white, very unfortunate.

FX: SOMEONE YELLS FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

MELINDA:Roy, your bear just shat on the carpet!

OFFICER:Ah, I see. I think you better come for walk down to the station, don't you?

FX: FROM WITHIN THE HOUSE SEVERAL PENGUINS SQUAWK LOUDLY.

ROY: Okay, Okay I'll own up to the bear, but the colony of emperor penguins was seriously not my idea.

There is a good idea there Sam. I loved the bleach line but you can lose the explanatory line following it from Roy. If the audience don't get the joke, that's their problem. I think it deserves a better out as well.

except for a weak punchline, that's awesome very funny, geeat idea, nice characters and beautiful pacing.

I'd have the policeman riding an improbable but endangered animal to the station.

First off, I would change the title; won't matter in performance, but for the reader you are losing the reveal.

Good advice from Will.

Nicely written, but as soots says the end line is weak.

I like the main body of this, too. Perhaps the ending could be that the policeman wasn't looking for the polar bear at all.

MAN: Alright! I admit it, I've got a polar bear. In fact, I've got two.

PC: Wow, so have I. We should meet up for a chat - hey, do you ever got to the Polar Breeders Club on Cricklewood Lane? Anyway, sorry sir, back to work: we've had some complaints from residents about your parrot.

PARROT: [SQUAWKING, OFF] Suck my balls! Suck my feathery balls!

Or maybe not

I liked the idea of this too. It's nicely surreal, but the ending lets it down. It feels like you couldn't think of a way to close the sketch.

Some stronger laughs along the way would help it tick along. Some of the dialogue is a little off too:

OFFICER: I swear I saw a huge white bear, just through your front living room.

It sounds a little clunky and kinda repeats the officer's previous line.

Lovely idea. I think you could play up the funny a bit more by him having an array of animals like he raided the zoo, then you could reveal them 'one by one'

Cheers for all the input, I've down a bit of revised version which takes into account some of your suggestions, its seemed to of tightened it up a bit.

FX:KNOCKING ON DOOR.

OFFICER:Ah Good morning, we've had several reports of disturbances from nearby residents, they claim
you've got some sort of 'wild animal' on your premises?

ROY: No, no we've only got our...dog.

FX: PLATES AND FURNITURE SMASHING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

ROY: Excuse me for one second.

FX: ROY RUNS INSIDE, MUFFLED SHOUTING, CAN BE HEARD.

ROY: What have you done! Get off the table!

FX: A TABLE BREAKS INSIDE.

ROY: Oh no! Not on the carpet!

FX: ROY SLAMS A DOOR AND RUNS OUT TO THE DOOR WHERE THE OFFICER IS STANDING.

ROY: Sorry about that, you were saying?

OFFICER:Was that a polar bear?

ROY: ...No.

OFFICER: Well then what explains the large bear-like mammal of the white polar variety currently
occupying your front room?

ROY: No... that's our dog.

OFFICER:Well it doesn't look like a dog. It looks a lot like a bear; like a polar bear.

ROY: No he's...he's just very obese dog we saved from a... bleach factory.

OFFICER:A bleach factory?

FX: SOMEONE YELLS FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

MELINDA:Roy, your bear just shat on the carpet!

OFFICER:Ah, I see. I think you better come for walk down to the station, don't you?

ROY: Do you mind if I bring 'bear' down for a walk?

OFFICERh, do give up already.

You could revise it drastically and convert it to a Bi-Polar Bear, one which is alternately elated & depressed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: do you have ANY idea how dangerous real polar bears are !

Much better, but the ending continues the joke at the same level; I feel you need to escalate or twist.

Quote: billwill @ 22nd December 2013, 1:29 PM GMT

You could revise it drastically and convert it to a Bi-Polar Bear, one which is alternately elated & depressed.

View original

*coughs* https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/15892/