When I didn't get a PS4 for Christmas I was completely un-console-able!!!!!!!!
Tell us a joke Page 5
My virtual reality 3d PS4 glasses really make me 'in consol(e) able'
I wanted to understand what quantitative easing was so I watched a DVD. It was no help at all. Clarissa explains it all my arse
When I was a kid I wanted to go to a very exclusive school for puppeteers - I got in but had to pull a lot of strings.
nice one danny boy
Why did Magritte's chicken cross the road
ce n'est pas une plaisanterie à
As far as I can see,
I don't need an optician.
A couple I made up for adam and joe ( they didn't read them out, I wonder why ) 
So the waiter says,
'Look sir! I've given you a free pakora, free poppadoms,
Samosa can do! '
Also
What did Woody say to Mr Potatohead after eating a bowl of chips?
' You've got a friend in me '
They're quite good. Like the Toy Story one especially.
I was doing an audit for the apocalypse society and asked if I could see their accounts for the last year
They said they'd let me know as soon as it started.
My boss told told me I would be 'facing the sack' for the third time this week,
I hate rimming.
New show, Brad Pitt locked in an oven. It's called Baking Brad.
Why was the Scientologist guilty
He was Thetan up from the inside.
Quote: danphobic @ 10th January 2014, 5:11 PM GMTWhat did Woody say to Mr Potatohead after eating a bowl of chips?
' You've got a friend in me '
Nice
My father was a failed epileptic. No great shakes.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 1st January 2014, 10:32 AM GMTI knew a girl called Dee who had a sexually transmitted disease.
She videoed her treatment and released it on a disk.It was a DVD.
(I know.... very poor and and badly written. I am sure some of you can write it better)
Doubt it
Quote: danphobic @ 11th January 2014, 3:55 PM GMTMy boss told told me I would be 'facing the sack' for the third time this week,
I hate rimming.
Doesn't mAke sense
MarcP if you lick a gentlemans anus then you are liable to find yourself at face level with their scrotal sack.
You're lack of technical knowledge makes me think you should never write pornography.
Unless he's referring to losing his job for beating his boss at basketball, due to his excessively wicked skills.
Quote: sootyj @ 11th January 2014, 9:54 PM GMTMarcP if you lick a gentlemans anus then you are liable to find yourself at face level with their scrotal sack.
You're lack of technical knowledge makes me think you should never write pornography.
Unless he's referring to losing his job for beating his boss at basketball, due to his excessively wicked skills.
Hi guys,
Yep sooty got it.
I've played around with the wording of that one a couple of times. I do understand it's not immediately obvious so it's problematic because confusing jokes are pointless. I think probably if it was said in standup you would say it directly after another smutty (but more obvious) joke so that you've led their minds there already and they are expecting smut. As well as that if performed I would ask the performer to do that annoying inverted comma's hand action when they say 'face the sack' which is another cue for their minds to try to look for other meanings of facing the sack.
Needs work. I may find a better way to use the wordplay with a better contextual set up. Not that I am ever going to perform it.