British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 45

There's a new nightclub opened round by me called Robben's. It's not great though, my one mate told me it was a right dive...

Me and my witch girlfriend aren't getting on. She keeps turning me into a dog. I guess everyone goes through a ruff spell.

Terrorists have developed exploding mobile phones. Currently they're only available on pay-as-you-blow.

Last year we bought a Christmas tree that was far too big to get in the car, so we had to cut the top of it off.

I didn't really mind, I'd always wanted a convertible.

I think it's quite good...

It wasn't a.bad joke. Kinda corny but I could see.you ambushing someone with it

Quote: billwill @ 8th July 2014, 12:37 AM BST

I think it's quite good...

Me too :$

Lady Marmalade looks great for her age.

She's incredibly well preserved.

A friend of mine offered me a session of optical acupuncture. I told him I'd rather stick pins in my eyes...

My mate punched me the other day because I accidentally broke his CD.

So I ripped him a new one.

Quote: lomas @ 8th July 2014, 8:31 PM BST

My mate punched me the other day because I accidentally broke his CD.

So I ripped him a new one.

That's really very clever indeed - but, to be pedantic, you rip tracks *from* a CD and you burn tracks *onto* one. I'm sure the joke can still work with some fiddling though.

Quote: lomas @ 8th July 2014, 8:31 PM BST

My mate punched me the other day because I accidentally broke his CD.

So I ripped him a new one.

Excellent word play

Quote: lomas @ 8th July 2014, 8:31 PM BST

My mate punched me the other day because I accidentally broke his CD.

So I ripped him a new one.

Oh, that is good

I want to get into prostitution, but that market's cornered.

Quote: lomas @ 8th July 2014, 8:31 PM BST

My mate punched me the other day because I accidentally broke his CD.

So I ripped him a new one.

Very good, similar to one of mine.

:)

https://twitter.com/TonyCowards/status/384670732963565568

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