Quote: Fatty Otters @ 21st April 2014, 10:13 PM BSTSince being banned from Snooker Stephen Lee has said he really misses it.
It's not known yet if he missed it on purpose.
that's really good
Tell us a joke Page 39
why are moles like lonely french snails, they're both missing u
I got my raise at work. They're finally treating my the like the king... of a small over thrown island nation.
Neat but feels a little over explained and telegraphed.
My boss treats me like a king....and he's Oliver Cromwell
How about this?
At work they treat me like the king... of a conquered nation.
that's better.
Do you think they'd be smart enough to go for.
I'm king at work...of a republic.
Quote: Paul Chisholm @ 19th April 2014, 11:52 AM BSTI went to my bank manager for a loan so I could create an invisible engine, he turned me down, said he couldn't see it working.
Reminds me of my true "accidental" joke when I served John Gordon Sinclair at Dorking railway station a year or so back.
I asked him what he was working on at the time. He said he was in a stage play of the Invisible Man. I said I didn't think I'd be able to see it.
He smiled thinking I was being clever but it was only afterwards I realised what I'd said.
I'm going for a job in an X-Ray department.
Don't lie on your CV, they'll see straight through it.
*an actual witty (debateable) riposte to my nephew this week when he told me he was looking to change jobs
Our Will Cam you're the wit of the north.
I've been hired for slightly, silly money to add humour to a, erm steamy, erotic romance.
I feel the need to share some of my "entries" lest they be lost to history.
Our priapic hero is driving home with his girlfriend and a boner, he's just had to slow down for an armadillo.
"If Beth wasn't here I'd be horny enough to stop right here and f**k that armadillo. Was such a thing possible, would he need a can opener? Was he a well man to be thinking like this? And did he even have a can opener."
Quote: sootyj @ 29th April 2014, 10:05 PM BSTI've been hired for slightly, silly money to add humour a, erm steamy, erotic romance.
I feel the need to share some of my "entries" lest they be lost to history.
Our priapic hero is driving home with his girlfriend and a boner, he's just had to slow down for an armadillo.
"If Beth wasn't here I'd be horny enough to stop right here and f**k that armadillo. Was such a thing possible, would he need a can opener? Was he a well man to be thinking like this? And did he even have a can opener."
"A stirring, moving tribute to animal erotica..."
- THE NEW YORK TIMES LITERARY REVIEW
"Sootyj at his best - irreverent AND irrelevant. He is the Jane Austen of Depravia. A masterpiece."
- THE SPECTATOR
"WTF?"
- ARMADILLO MONTHLY
I remember my response to Armadillo monthly.
You da f**k.
Any more you can share Soots?
At home, after a quiet game of chess ending in stalemate, they went to the bedroom. Russell hadn't really got the hang of foreplay, although he'd enjoyed when he'd sat on one of the rooks with out pants on during some especially energetic love making.
Quote: sootyj @ 30th April 2014, 10:16 PM BSTAt home, after a quiet game of chess ending in stalemate, they went to the bedroom. Russell hadn't really got the hang of foreplay, although he'd enjoyed when he'd sat on one of the rooks with out pants on during some especially energetic love making.
"The originality of this move, henceforth immortalized as the "Sootyj Squat Defence", is stunning...."
- CHESS MONTHLY