I said to Frank Carson, What sound does a duck make?
Tell us a joke Page 277
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 19th June 2022, 9:06 AMMy dog has no nose.
How does it smell?
With great difficulty. I told you, the poor fellow has no nose!
I love you Michael. I hope you know that.
What a way to start the day.
What's the difference between love and my mother's legs? Not every man spreads love.
Can I retract my last statement?
What's the difference between my mother's legs and this thread? Guys pull out of this thread.
Michael's mum looks like a something or other totally. And a whatever it is. Ha take that!. I know a word or two when I need it. I went to school with Michael's mum and she was really good at humanities. Nice knockers, class act all round.
Well, 53579 men can't be wrong.
Well at least you guys keep in touch which is nice
Or she just e mails you the tally
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd June 2022, 11:42 AMWell, 53579 men can't be wrong.
53581. Boris Johnson buckled. And his driver.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 24th June 2022, 1:07 AMWell at least you guys keep in touch which is nice
Or she just e mails you the tally
Michael M (Or M Monkhouse to keep it anonymous) is always ringing me up saying ohh can we meet up for a burger or ohh can we meet up for a day trip to Bangor. Visiting a seaside resort with another man is weird but he's not taking my firm response of 'I'll seriously consider it and get back to you' as an answer.
It will happen.
Castor says his twin can produce 50 kilos of spunk and not wank. What a load of Pollux.
The following is claimed to be an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm test,
and the actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell
and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell,
let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion.
We can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year,
'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,'
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true.
Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting
any more souls and is, therefore, extinct... Leaving only Heaven.
Thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why last night.
Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God - Oh My God!"
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Why did the vegan cross the road?
To tell someone they're a vegan!