British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 255

What's the point of finding a cure for Alzheimer's? By the time you've finished explaining...

The biggest joke around here is Michael f**king Monkhouse but try telling him that. He'll just wank it off and keep on coming.

You're just jealous because I know so many jokes and Interesting Facts About the Spice Girls.
I took the tube in the nude. Paddington bare.
I meditated in the nude. Yogi bare.
I listened to One Direction in the nude. No I didn't. They're shit.

What did Michael Jackson during Tellietubbies? Beat it. Just beat it.

What's the difference between Jesus and Berlusconi? Jesus needed three days to come back.

One for you Michael.
I walked into a room full of people wanking.
They were shocked that I didn't stop.

Wank you very much indeed.

I think I'm in the shit.
My wife has found the letters I was hiding.
She'll never play Scrabble with me again.

Overheard at the palace - 'Cancel the telegram!'

50 lions masturbating to Niagra. Pride comes before a fall.

When I met the King of the Netherlands I couldn't remember the correct term of address
Really? it was probably your Highness
Steady on I'd only had half a joint

Joke about Holland. Flat.

I get my penis out on the beach. Shore thing.

With my trusty bucket and spade, I once built a house on the beach. It was very small. Not so much a sandcastle as a tide cottage.

My friend thinks he's a beach. I said, Are you shore?

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