Easiest Christmas joke ever to crack..........
Which position does Father Christmas play in the Lapland Football team?
Tell us a joke Page 249
Why doesn't Santa wear Yfronts? He's Knickerless.
How do you recognise a Beatles obsessive? He buys Ringo's Christmas album.
How do you recognise a beyond Beatles obsessive? He listens to it.
This is my annual joke for over Christmas dinner. But as I didn't see anyone over Christmas dinner this year, I'll let you enjoy it instead:
A piece of string walked into a pub, walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. The barman poured him the drink, passed it over and said "you don't mind me asking do you but aren't you a piece of string?" The piece of string replied "yes I am", took the drink & went and sat down.
A few minutes later, a second piece of string walked into the pub, walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. The barman poured him the drink, passed it over and said "you don't mind me asking do you but aren't you a second piece of string?" The second piece of string replied "yes I am", took the drink & went and sat down with the first piece of string.
A few minutes later, a third piece of string, rather threadbare with his ends tied together to keep him in one piece, came into the pub, struggled over to the bar and ordered a drink. The barman poured him the drink, passed it over and said "you don't mind me asking do you but aren't you a third piece of string?"
And the third, rather threadbare piece of string with his ends tied together to keep him in one piece, replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
For Christmas someone sent me a Thai bride who plays for the National football team
Centre back?
Well I had to! She's got a big game on Tuesday
Dressed up for a contest to see who could masturbate the furthest. Ended in a tie.
Quote: Billy Bunter @ 26th December 2020, 11:15 AMAnd the third, rather threadbare piece of string with his ends tied together to keep him in one piece, replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
Dong.....................Dong...................Dong..................
Actually it's not that bad, and I didn't twig it before the punchline.
My uncle told me one when I was a kid, which made me cringe, even then..............
Man was telling a friend about the time he had an insect for a pet which he called a Rarey, but it kept on growing and got larger and larger until in the end he had to hire a lorry to take it away and dispose of it by tipping it off the back of the lorry over a cliff..............
His friend says "Well that's a funny way to tip a Rarey" (Tipperary - I think the wartime song was still popular then, and I apologise for laying that one on you all 
)
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 22nd December 2020, 11:18 AMWhy doesn't Santa wear Yfronts? He's Knickerless.
I'm glad you're laughing, because I have seven hours of these.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 26th December 2020, 8:56 PMI'm glad you're laughing, because I have seven hours of these.
I had noticed
My true love can f#%k right off.
You want to see the state of my living room.
Swan, geese, hen, and partridge shit everywhere.
Those pipers, lords, maids, and drummers took me over the six person rule and my arsehole neighbour grassed me to the law. Never again........
My girlfriend thinks I'm immature. She told me over dindins.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 26th December 2020, 9:39 PMMy girlfriend thinks I'm immature. She told me over dindins.
No, that wasn't quite so good. In fact that was terrible. That was the worst joke I've ever heard. I would go as far to say you are the second best joke teller in the history and future of the universe. Now how about a nice cup of tea?
I asked a pimp, How do you make a million? He said, Mind your own f**king business.
Worked out how to stop my cat running away. Nailed it.