Quote: Frankie Mildly Perturbed @ 10th March 2020, 8:52 AMI have always liked Corona, I see no reason to stop drinking it now.
Perhaps that explains the almost two year absence and frankly I'm mildly perturbed.
Tell us a joke Page 226
I just popped out to buy a loaf.. some cigs.. a newspaper.. to see a man about a dog.. btw I got 99 problems with dogs but a bitch ain't one..
Seriously though, as many 'returners' know BCG is like Hotel California, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave (ask Aaron... 
)
But actually, the real reason is that I have been busy with my chip shop.
Portion of chips please, and fish.
Plaice?
Next to the chips, duh.
Hello love can I have chips and a firkin
What's a firkin?
A firkin fish, love!
What did the pile of snow say to the gritter?
Did you get my drift.
FISHMONGER: Are you in the mood, or what?
WIFE: Not tonight dear: I've got a haddock.
.....................................................................................................................................................
A friend of mine is at fishmonger's school and he's just received his end-of-term report.
"Summary: cod do batter".
My chippie is based slightly out of the area but we are house delivering a super cod and chips to Mayfair residents at a mere £42 10 shillings and sixpence or '42 pound ten bob and a tanner' as we describe it over the phone. Residents are lapping it up and most give us a £50 spot and say keep the change. My wife wants to know why attractive Mayfair ladies get a larger portion, I say that's just nature, dear.
I'm sick of sharing fish with my mate. I've haddock with him.
I was sick of fish and chips, so decided to have a Chinese. The family run restaurant was empty but the waiter told me all tables were booked. Just as I was walking out the owner rushed over and led me to a table , I told him I had been informed there were no spaces available tonight. He told me to take no notice of the waiter, he was his Dim Sum.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 1st March 2020, 11:29 AMWhy is Coronavirus like wanking?
Is it because in both cases my wife makes me stay 6 foot away from her?
What's the difference between sneezing and coming? You put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze.
What's the difference between the supermarket and my mother? The supermarket only lets in one at a time.
I just saw that someone had posted on Tell us a Joke and I wondered who it might be.
Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was Michael Monkhouse!
What's the difference between rap and trap? The letter t.
I wouldn't say I'm tight but my moths have opened their own bank account. 
I wouldn't say my mother's tight but when I got married she had confetti on elastic.