Tell us a joke Page 204

Quote: Facet @ 5th December 2017, 7:12 PM

I started dating an animal lover from Australia and as a result, I've started to live with these terrifying, man-eating pets, or as she likes to call them 'her kids'.

An organ transplant driver took me out for dinner last night. There's a man after my own heart.

It's tough being single at my age. All my friends are getting married and having kids and I'm sat on my laptop looking at Batman memes.

(these are the first 3 jokes I have written)

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I agree the second one is very good. The first one is OK but you'll have to explain the third one to me.

What brand's your T-shirt? - Guess! - I don't know, what brand's your T-shirt?

Mel C says her new photo site is up and running. So am I when I look at it.

My wife thinks I'm immature. She told me before din-dins.

This morning I had a posh wank. I enjoyed it, but the Frenchman didn't appreciate my ejaculating into his pocket.

(Audio only for that one. And probably not even then.)

Bad news for a sheep's tonsils. They're behind baaaaaaaaaaaars.

Disclaimer; this joke is not mine.

Woman in chemist to pharmacist

My husband is lacking in the bedroom, does Viagra work
Yes madam
Can you get it over the counter?
If I take two, yeah

Man divorces his Toaster and decides to marry his Vacuum Cleaner. When asked why he replies, he thought it would be less of a shocker and more of a sucker relationship type.

When I got into self-harm, I could've kicked myself.

What's the difference between the thumb and the dick? You grow out of trying to suck your thumb.

I think my mother collects flags. She says, I just got a Jolly Roger in'.

Which politician is good for jokes and hair? Anne Wittycomb.

My incest hat trick was so awesome I wrote a sitcom about it. It's called Third Cock From The Son.

I tried to finger Peppa Pig, but made a ham-fisted job out of it.

Jonathan Ross' difficulties began when he lost interest in aquatic life. He was going off the whales.