I was so excited and really up for a trip on the public transport.
I was Bussing.
Tell us a joke Page 199
I passed a man who was securing goods to his truck. He sneezed, I said "Gesundheit". He said: "I'm hoping so."
When Cicero took me to a Japanese restaurant he ordered battered eels: O tempura, o morays.
Which singer goes to the toilet twice? Lulu.
When I was eight, my uncle masturbated to the back of my head. I didn't realise, I was pretty wet behind the ears.
Skunk Anansie's singer keeps sitting on my face. No Skin off my nose.
I was locked out my house. Three martial artists were passing by and offered to help me get past the locked door. A karate master punched the door but couldn't get in. A Kung fu master kicked the door and couldn't get in. The third master said close your eyes and breathe deeply, just imagine the door opening. We opened our eyes and the door was open. That's magic I said, how did you do that? He said he could have pushed it open. But it's easier when you've got Aikido.
Shawn Mendes is so ungrateful. I propped up his legs, arms and stomach. He said, There's nothing holding me back.
Why is Jay-Z's ice cream van undergoing maintenance?
99 problems.
My mother says when a friend dies, it's like sucking off Big Bird. You feel down in the mouth, get a lump in your throat and it's really hard to swallow.
I said, Come on, Mum. She said, Don't 'come on' me. I said, Why not, every other guy did.
Melanie C must have a pet rabbit. Whenever I ask her out, She says, Not tonight, I'm washing my hare.
I was shocked when the Invisible Man ejaculated. Just came out of thin air.
Quote: Patrick Robinson @ 30th June 2017, 6:06 PMThere was a Catholic minister who whacked his washing machine. BISH BASH BOSCH.
Love it.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 21st July 2017, 11:00 AMWhat's the difference between cheese and men? Cheese can mature.
Nice one. Well done Michael in single handedly keeping this thread going. You may enter the record books soon.
Speaking or records: I couldn't work out what Roy Castle's autobiography lacked... Then I thought, Dedication! Dedication, that's what you need.