Quote: Nick81 @ 26th January 2017, 11:34 AM2020 Olympic High Jump results:
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
Tell us a joke Page 191
I once jerked off 586743 times in one night till my mother told me to stop. What a wet blanket.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 17th February 2017, 11:00 AMI once jerked off 586743 times in one night till my mother told me to stop. What a wet blanket.
Hahaha. I love it. I think it would actually work a bit better with an only slightly unrealistic number, like 18. But maybe that's just me.
Here's one I tweeted earlier:
A train driver halted his train after a microwave was thrown off a bridge. No one was injured but the train got dinged.
True story.
If Stephen Hawking manages to wank, is it a stroke of genius?
I wasn't surprised when my mother told me she's into bestiality and pissing. Water off a duck's back.
Just watching an old episode of Bullseye, and fair play to some of the prizes they offered.
They really pushed the boat out.
Quote: Nick81 @ 21st February 2017, 1:17 PMJust watching an old episode of Bullseye, and fair play to some of the prizes they offered.
They really pushed the boat out.
Very funny joke, I can imagine that really landing at the right sort of gig. I would just change "to some of the prizes offered" to "when they revealed the star prize", or something, make it more inextricably linked with the punchline.
Even though he's resigned, at least Sutton United goalkeeper Wayne Shaw has gone out on a high -
Cholesterol.
Quote: gappy @ 21st February 2017, 3:39 PMVery funny joke, I can imagine that really landing at the right sort of gig. I would just change "to some of the prizes offered" to "when they revealed the star prize", or something, make it more inextricably linked with the punchline.
Cheers gapster.
I asked Lady Gaga, Why do you keep exaggerating? She said, I've given you a million reasons.
I applied for a porno about jerking off in a girl's eyes. It's a long shot and just a wank-on part. Y'know, blink-and-I-miss-you.
I put water in my cat's eyes. Smart!
I dated an italic, but it wasn't my type.
Castration leftovers. What a load of bollocks.
Of course Mo Farah is on drugs -
Silly bastard claims Quorn is tasty.
I read, 46 per cent of men with tiny dicks can't count. I thought, Unlucky bastards, that's more then half.
Difference between a psychophant and an English drunk? A psychophant curries favours.