I was walking along, drinking a can of Red Bull when I was attacked by a rag.
Tell us a joke Page 177
Quote: 404 Not Found @ 30th August 2016, 9:07 AMI was walking along, drinking a can of Red Bull when I was attacked by a rag.
Excellent concept, but I wonder whether you could make it closer to the idiom? Something like:
I saw some students collecting for a homeless charity. I said the tramps could have the rest of the energy drink I'd been drinking, and for some reason they got all shirty. Talk about showing a Red Bull to a rag.
She was only the Vegetarians daughter but she ate all the meat I gave her..
As an ice breaker I asked a compulsive wanker if he came here often.. come again? he replied..
Like the veg's daughter joke. The 2nd joke is great but doesn't need "come again he replied"
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd August 2016, 4:14 PMI had a wanking contest over the Spice Girls. Mel C won by a long shot.
The tossing-gag was so funny, nearly choked.
Quote: Frankie Rage @ 24th August 2016, 2:56 PMBus driver was driving off without me even though I was stood at the stop. I shouted, "how do you expect me to get on?" He told me to take a running jump..
not sure
*****I was listening to some eggs when a guy passing asked me if I'd heard any good yolks lately..
yes. Took me a while to get this one , couldn't get the concept of why you would be listening to eggs?
*****The man with his arm stuck down a toilet bowl apparently didn't know his arse from his elbow..
yes
*****The old woman was panicking as she was unsure how to dry her undies - I told her to get her knickers in a twist..
not sure
*****
yes like this skull joke perhaps a variation ,In art class, we were asked to choose one bone in the human body and draw it. I had to choose the skull. It was a no brainer.
The skull didn't worry about things at all as it was a no brainer..
Quote: SSTT @ 29th August 2016, 12:24 PMI entered it blindfold - but don't ask me where I came.*
dont get it
Have you been on that dark web ? I couldn't see a thing.
I like that one a lot.
I should go back to Coprastasophiliacs Anonymous - I haven't been for ages.
theres a joke in there somewhere but it doesn't want to come out.
*© Rameses II
Quote: Will Cam @ 19th July 2016, 8:59 PMIt's meant to be your own jokes George, not 1970's cabaret jokes.
According to the telegraph, that's one of Tommy Cooper's.
True story - slightly jokey - a joke is just reality through a squinted eye..
On my dad's 100th birthday we celebrated with his grandsons. I told my colleagues at work the next day and they wonderfully went out and bought a card and had a whip round for him. Didn't have the heart to tell them he died in 1987..
I wrote a song about shagging dead foxes. It's called Penis in Furs.
What do you call a Northener with no sense of humour? Olaf.
Quote: Frankie Rage @ 1st September 2016, 3:17 PMDidn't have the heart to tell them he died in 1987..
This isn't a joke either but there's a fine line between comedy and tragedy. Witness my stand up. Anyway before the Internet free for all, an Italian told me she found Sylvia Plath's 'The Bell Jar' uplifting. When I stopped laughing I asked the obvious question and she explained, 'I'm going through a similar depression but if she can survive it, so can I.' She'll find out.
I was reading in the news that Noah has just entered the 'Top 10 boys names' list. Elsewhere I read that fear of flooding is on the increase..
Also read that they just found out 'one third of dogs have ticks' .. a third.. why do they have to be so damn PC, we all know it's the arse-end that gets the ticks..
And to finish, foreign word of the day, "Innuendo" which is of course Spanish for taking it up the arse..
It didn't take Gulliver's Travels long to write. The writer was Swift.
I asked Tracy Chapman, What's the difference between a politician and words? She said, Words don't come easily.
I was at the airport and heard the announcement that any unattended baggage would be removed and destroyed. So I left the old baggage on her own for over an hour but they didn't take her..
The Beatles invited Sir Lancelot to join them in an orgy in the studio and they made A Hard Knights Day..
Quote: Frankie Rage @ 2nd September 2016, 1:19 PMI was reading in the news that Noah has just entered the 'Top 10 boys names' list. Elsewhere I read that fear of flooding is on the increase..
Also read that they just found out 'one third of dogs have ticks' .. a third.. why do they have to be so damn PC, we all know it's the arse-end that gets the ticks..
And to finish, foreign word of the day, "Innuendo" which is of course Spanish for taking it up the arse..
Like the middle one a lot, very good. The last has been done many times before, I'm afraid.
As a little game, here atre some alt endings - not a criticism of your jokes, just a bit of fun.
I was reading in the news that Noah has just entered the 'Top 10 boys names' list. At first I thought I didn't know any kids with an Old Testament name, until I realised I knew a Lot.
Also read that they just found out 'one third of dogs have ticks' ...the other two got the question wrong.
And to finish, foreign word of the day, "Innuendo" which is of course a device allowing one to tip up the back of a pub.
Arnold Scwarzeneggar wants to limit the school semester to 8 weeks. He's a term-in-eight-er.