You should know your place.
Tell us a joke Page 170
F**king stop the puns if you don't want to get battered!
For the love of cod...
My friend made a half-hearted suicide attempt.
Threw himself in front of his son's model train.
I had a similar joke: I said, I'd like a hamburger please. - He said, With relish? - I said, MMmmmmmmmm, I'd lllike a hhaaaaaaaaaammmmburger please.
I'm fed up with Jesus. He thinks He's God's gift to mankind.
Bilbo woke up to find they'd built a Tesco Express next door.
That was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.
(Just borrowed this one from elsewhere)
My latest book comes with a little mechanical finger.
It's a page turner.
The queen roasts little boys in front of a roaring fire. They stand on a rotating platform.
It's a page turner.
My friend puts books on his lathe.
He's a .... oh god, I can't go on.
Have you put the cat out?
Yes, and just be careful with that flame thrower in future,
***
Contender for worst joke ever:
When you sing you make a racket, what's a matter, catgut your tongue?
***
what do sadists do to people who like punch lines?
.......
(he he he...)
Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 16th May 2016, 1:24 AM BSTI've just had one of those déjà vu moments..
I believe in déjà vu. I was watching Mel C's I Want Candy video and I got a boner: I thought, I'm sure this has happened before.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 19th May 2016, 9:22 AM BSTI believe in déjà vu. I was watching Mel C's I Want Candy video and I got a boner: I thought, I'm sure this has happened before.
Come again?
Don't you hate the way posh people use rare words for simple things. Like Oxymoron, why not just say "stupid cow".
If a Catholic comes on a kid, is it a Vatileak?
-I hate the gaze.
-Homophone!
Quote: gappy @ 20th May 2016, 12:12 PM BST-I hate the gaze.
-Homophone!
Clever.
Which bird sounds like jizz? Goos.