Literal joke:
I was listen to a programme on the radio about cooking pork.
There was a lot of crackling.
That was because my wife was using a badly suppressed sewing machine in the next room.
Tell us a joke Page 136
I was waiting in for the parcel delivery van because my best friend told me he had sent me something.
I heard a vehicle pull up outside and ran to the window. Wow, it was a big parcel (about 2M long) - it took 6 of them to pull it out of the back and it must have been heavy because they had to line up in 3's to put it on their shoulders.
They then linked arms and walked slowly with the box to next door......oh yeah, it's his wake today.
I got diaorrhea in a French castle. Shat eau.
I've just had a bad spell of diorea
I entered an erectile dysfunction competition.
I got in to the semi final.
My dad suffers from diarrhea. Tough shit.
Enough with the shit jokes
Quote: Reg N @ 14th December 2015, 11:34 AM GMTEnough with the shit jokes
Well said!
Can we have some Christmas jokes?
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 14th December 2015, 12:51 PM GMTCan we have some Christmas jokes?
Certainly.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 8th December 2015, 1:04 PM GMT
This the card sent out this year by an American polotician.
I don't like bad speling.
And bad grammar.
Split infinitives, I'm starting to really go off them.
Also apostrophe's in the wrong places.
My New Year's Resolution is to stop swearing and splitting infinitives. It's what I ought to f**king do.
Quote: Reg N @ 13th December 2015, 2:13 PM GMTI've just had a bad spell of diorea
Haha - this was brilliant!
I went to the doctor the other day and said
"doctor you gotta help me this owl keeps shottong on me and now I stink of owl shit 24/7, I smell like Harry Potters wardrobe"
"And he says surely you should be seeing a vet or the rspb?"
I said "you don't understand it's my problem, I keep hunting owls for days and when I track one down in its nest I stand underneath it and shout at it."
"What do you shout?"
"Foul things, sweary things, I can't help myself. I call it a cont a shot, a prock, a busturd until it shots on me."
"Oh dear you seem to have irritable..."
"owl syndrome?"
"no irritable vowel syndrome"
Quote: sootyj @ 15th December 2015, 11:09 AM GMTI went to the doctor the other day and said
"doctor you gotta help me this owl keeps shottong on me and now I stink of owl shit 24/7, I smell like Harry Potters wardrobe""And he says surely you should be seeing a vet or the rspb?"
I said "you don't understand it's my problem, I keep hunting owls for days and when I track one down in its nest I stand underneath it and shout at it."
"What do you shout?"
"Foul things, sweary things, I can't help myself. I call it a cont a shot, a prock, a busturd until it shots on me."
"Oh dear you seem to have irritable..."
"owl syndrome?"
"no irritable vowel syndrome"
