Dr Hook has brought out a new Beatles cover, "All you need is glove."
Tell us a joke Page 122
Quote: billwill @ 31st August 2015, 1:23 PM BSTSteel is metal
Steal is to take without permission.~~~~~~~~~~~
I just had to steal that steel didn't I? But the scrappie said it wasn't worth much and now a copper has locked me up in an iron cage.
Shame the cage was stohlen then you could have chewed through the bars
I read, Angela Merkel's in labour. I didn't even know she was pregnant.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 27th August 2015, 10:42 AM BSTMy wife wears a pessary, takes the pill and makes me use a condom. Methinks the lady doth protect too much.
Delayed reaction, but made me chuckle.
The EU has said more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children.
Swimming lessons might be a start.
bit too Frankie Boyle for my liking.
I explained at length to hubby why and where I'd chosen a piece of land to both be buried. He said but you're telling me the plot
Why do midgets hate being crucified?
Pontius Pilate always made them a little cross.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 1st September 2015, 5:44 PM BSTI read, Angela Merkel's in labour. I didn't even know she was pregnant.
Or - I read that Angela Merkel's in Labour. I just thought she was fat...
Quote: sootyj @ 26th August 2015, 2:52 PM BSTHow do you make a budgie go quack?
Stick it in the deep freeze, then hit it with a hammer.
Liked this as is.
Jimmy Davison's wife was sporting a black eye, apparently she accidently walked into a punchline.
I gave Chris Eubank a sandwich during the match. I said, You gotta roll with the punches.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 4th September 2015, 10:18 AM BSTI gave Chris Eubank a sandwich during the match. I said, You gotta roll with the punches.
or . . .
I remember when I used to go to Wimbledon and every afternoon there was a long table laden with delicious summer drinks: white Sangria, red Sangria, Pimm's Number 1, Pimm's Number 2 and more Pimm's all the way up to Number 6 I think.
And on certain days, whenever you picked up a drink the waiter would hand you a delicious crusty cob free of charge: cheese, ham, egg mayonnaise, you name it they had it.
I suppose what I'm trying say is . . . sometimes you got a roll with the punches.
If you shag Cameron Diaz, do you give it your best shot?
There's been a break-in at the Apple Store
The police are looking for iWitnesses.
I've been tracing my family tree at the library today.
They can f**k off if they think I'm paying their photocopying prices.