Part of an unsuccesful project I was involved in, just too much fuss with editing etc for too little money.
Plus as you can see the idea of modern myths, with wacky characters was pretty stupid.
But any way there you go, it's not much good so if you read it and dislike it then it's your own fault.
Feedback mostly welcome.
THE BRAVE STORY OF SILLY GOOFY,
nb what an idiotic name for a character, I wanted Silly van Willy. Which would have been awesome, if I had a cat I'd call them that.
Or shit head, it's all good its not like the cat cares.
I'd also like to apologise to Bill Williams, this story is in no ways meant to reference him. The editor insisted and they are an idiot. Bill Will is of course awesome.
Once upon a time there was a boy who was silly, but wasn't.
His name was Silly Goofy or rather his last name was Goofy and his first name was Silly.
Silly Goofy was from a long line of people called William Williams, infact he was the first Silly Goofy in his family for 700 years. Silly Goofy's father was William William the 137th, Silly Goofy's grandfather was William Willy the 136th and his grandfather was William William 135th.
All the way back to Peter Williams the forgetful. Peter Williams lived in London England, hundreds of years ago and was terribly forgetful. So he gave his son 2 names exactly the same so he could remember them.
And it was working out fine until 2006, when William William 137th Silly Goofy's father was registering his birth at the town court house. The world can change on the smallest things and William William 137th had hiccups that day. So when the court registrar was taking down the name, William William 137th let out an enormous hiccup. Instead of saying William William, he said
"SsssSilly Goofy" Which is what it sounds like when you hiccup and say William, could he have changed the name?
Well of course, but William William 137th was a man of his word who didn't like to correct himself.
Also it would have cost 5 bucks and William William 137th didn't like to spend 5 bucks if he could avoid it.
Besides William William 137th thought to himself spend money if he didn't have to.
"What's the worst that can happen?"
And being very unimaginative his answer was,
"Not much."
Sadly for Silly Goofy it was a lot. Poor Silly Goofy was very confused throughout his babyhood. His mum would tell him;
"Your name is Silly Goofy."
And then if he started to explore the stove or the bit of the cat under its tail, then Silly Goofy's mom (who was called Jane Jane 112th, imaginative names didn't run in either side of the family)
Would yell;
"Don't be silly, Silly."
Or
"Don't be a Silly Goofy, Silly Goofy"
Many years late a very expensive doctor, with a very big title would tell Silly Goofy he had existential angst. But all Silly Goofy knew was he got very, very confused and he didn't really know who he was.
With a name like Silly Goofy, Silly Goofy grew up to be a very, very serious and quiet child. If people always think you're going to be silly, then you learn to be very, very sensible. So Silly Goofy1st was always to be found with his hair neatly combed, his clothes tucked in and his nose stuck in a book.
Which made life even tougher for Silly Goofy, because his mom and dad sort of expected him to be silly; I mean when it says "beans" on a tin people expect it to contain beans don't you? And if it says silly on a kid, people expect them to be silly don't you?
And things got worse for Silly Goofy back when he was 6 or 7 he went to school. And school as people well know it's no place to be silly. Not unless you expect to spend a lot of time outside the principal's office.
Because from the first day at school Silly Goofy was in trouble; his class tutor Mrs Jennifer Orange was laying down the law with her class.
"Do we have any silly billies in this class?"
She demanded.
"Yes Mrs Orange!"
Called Silly Goofy.
"Are you being Silly?"
Enquired Mrs Orange.
"I'm always silly"
Answered Silly Goofy.
"And how long do you plan on being silly may I ask?"
Asked Mrs Orange.
"Until I save up 5 bucks to change my name."
Said Silly Goofy, which is how Silly Goofy spent his first day at school sitting outside the principal's office.
And it was how Silly Goofy learned a tough lesson, sometimes when you've done nothing wrong, you still get into trouble.
That whole first year was a tough, tough year for young Silly Goofy. The principal at morning assembly asked all the children to promise, that they wouldn't be silly that day.
Silly Goofy couldn't join any of the sports teams because the coach said it was dangerous to be silly on the field.
Silly Goofy even had a girl that he had an eye on, Sybil Jennison who had red hair, freckles and probably had no interest in the silliest boy in school.
Especially when all the other children would make fun of him; unlike other children who were clumsy or ginger or both no one could say you were being rude to Silly Goofy. They were just calling him by his name.
And that probably would have been how the story would have gone, all the way till Silly Goofy was the silliest boy to graduate from college. Except that is fate took a funny turn one day.
Carluccio's amazing circus was in town that day. And whilst Silly Goofy1st was a silly boy who wasn't, Carluccio's amazing circus really wasn't all that amazing.
Its clown was sad, its acrobats had broken legs and the locks on the cages for its animals were rusty. Now most of the time that didn't matter, because the only animals Carluccio's had were cats; old man Carluccio would paint stripes on them and pretend they were tigers. Only they were far away so they looked so small. Except one day Mr Carluccio bought a tiger called Jeffrey from an old zoo. And tigers in cages with rusty locks are a terrible combination. Jeffrey escaped headed to the school and the first time Silly Goofy 1st heard about this was when the principal announced on the intercom;
"There is an escaped tiger in the school canteen, the police and the army have
been called."
All the children ran away in terror, except for Silly Goofy who sat and listened.
"Only a silly person would approach a tiger, being close to a giant, man eating tiger is a very silly thing to do."
Carried on the principal.
Mrs Orange was checking the children in her class in the school yard whilst they were waiting for the police, the army and whoever else you call when wild tigers are loose.
"Where is Sybil Jennison and Silly Goofy?" Mrs Orange demanded of her class
The class told her that Sybil had been in the canteen collecting recycling (she was a most considerate girl), no one knew where Silly Goofy. Just as Mrs Orange was thinking about the letter you write to a parent, to explain their child had just been eaten by a tiger, something remarkable happened.
When out of the school walked Jeffrey the tiger, with Silly Goofy riding upon his back, with Sybil sitting behind him her arms wrapped around him.
Jeffrey had been so used to people running away from him and screaming, that when a silly boy approached him and said hello, Jeffrey hadn't known what to do. Jeffrey had been more than happy to be lead outside.
And here our story ends, Jeffrey was allowed to live in a home for retired zoo animals, Mrs Orange had to write a 1000 times on the black board
"I will not leave my pupils in the care of escaped tigers."
As for Silly Goofy he was given $5 reward for capturing an escaped tiger. But Silly Goofy didn't spend it on changing his name, he had realised that names aren't all that important.
Instead he took Sybil Jennison to Carlucci's circus. Which is a shame as it was mostly cats seen from far away with painted stripes on (there was a rumour that the clown has been eaten by Jeffrey or maybe he'd just run away). But they didn't mind, it was silly so they enjoyed it.