Hello,
My name is Catherine. I'm writing to you because I'm looking for some help. I wrote something, and an external point of view would be great. So if someone is willing to try... I just hope it won't be too difficult to read. The thing is, I have a weakness, but it is a good excuse!
I'm French... (and Saunders! Okay, nervous joke, it was lame, sorry... Speaking of joke while you reading that, are you gonna do the accent?)
I did my best to write properly, and I'm so sorry about the mistakes... I was in my twenty when I finally understood, from an Irish teacher at University, how easy and cool English was! Yes I know, a bit late. I'm ashamed... Would I blame it on my education system here in France? Oh yes I will! It reminds me, I have to make some apologies about your beautiful language.
Let me tell you how we learn (or try) english. The British english. What I remember is confusion about the country in itself between my different teachers.
First, some told us about England. As a kid I was like: "okay, so the guys in skirts, leprechauns and that place with the name of the bigger fish, it's England, right miss?" (no answer, I wonder why...)
A few years later, they told us about Great Britain (in progress, the island now!).
And finally, someone decent told us about United Kingdom (at last!). It took me years to know the TRUTH!...
Now about the image the books gave us about you. Well, let me tell you, it is not pretty at all. Except the Queen, you are only 5.5 people living somewhere, raining non-stop by the way, and asking fantastic questions. So, let me introduce you Bryan, Mary, John, Peter and Simon; and David sometimes (the .5). The three first ones must live together, like a family, but I'm not sure, there was no proof in my books after all...
So, if there is a family with people named Bryan, Mary and John, please forgive me for harassing you (me and millions others) ten years ago (or some...) with the same questions; because those guys in the books must have some communication issues or something...
"Where is Bryan?" (always in the kitchen! I know, that's odd) "Where is John?" "What are you doing John?" or Mary wondering "where is my umbrella?" Now, if you'll excuse me, there are things I'm craving to say for years.
Bryan, if you are still in the kitchen, I hope you are a great Chef now. Cheers!
John... well, I'm sorry mate but I still don't know where you are or what you are doing. I'm quite sure you're in the house. " Upstairs"? "Watching TV"? Anyway, just get out and get some fresh air will you!? Teenagers...
Mary, you don't need your umbrella because you see through the window that "it's raining today". I mean it's not raining every day you know! But if you still think so, do yourself a favor and take an appointment with an ophthalmologist darling... Oh and by the way, don't look after your umbrella, Rihanna took it. The so-called British fog is not outside, but in her head! Poor woman...
What a sweet and strange family!
Oh and Peter and Simon! They're always discussing this and that, what they need at the grocery store, organizing bits and bobs for a travel, etc... In the books, they told us these two were good friends. Really? Very good friends it seemed, because my parents had the same little conversations some times. I'm just saying... If you take a look at another book, this is Peter and David (is it cheating?!...).
I spare you the details about grammar and conjugation, because I really feel like I lost time and energy trying to understand when I was in school (and because I'm too ashamed...). And I'm pretty sure you can hear me and my strong French accent (yeah yeah... Even if you don't know me, I know you are using your imagination right now, reading that with an accent in your head, and, I can hear you laughing!). But to give some credits to the teachers I had, I have to say it's not entirely their fault. In case you didn't notice, we, French people, have an annoying tendency (just the one?...) to complicate easy things, or go miles away from the original point.
Like writing a simple message to ask for some help...
Maybe you could! Because I can't... help it. I'm French...