Balderdash And Spittle

I'm rather new to this so the format may be awful.

Two men, JOHN and ROBERT are on the stage/screen, they are both dressed in dark sweaters and trousers, JOHN is seated and looks immensely bored while ROBERT paces around. Robert is speaking in incredibly animated tones and phlegm's a little as he speaks. He wipes the corners of his mouth with a handkerchief with each pause.

ROBERT
And we can see from this that Nietschze, in saying 'there is no God', is implying, or explicitly stating if you will, that there is no divine creator, no omniscient, all powerful being who can, if you like, 'watch over' our every move and thought.

JOHN
Yes, omniscient.

ROBERT
Who?

JOHN looks frustrated, gets ready to speak but then flops back onto his chair.

JOHN
No matter.

ROBERT
Right, right, yes. Well Kierkgaard, in his statement 'there is a God' seems to suggest that there is meaning in religion, that there is if you like another power, would you like that?

JOHN
Yes and no.

ROBERT
Right. Well Wittgenstein was a roman catholic, Romans coming as they did after the Greeks. Plato, a self confessed Greek, once said of the matter of the existence of God that...

JOHN
Robert, do you have an opinion yourself?

ROBERT
A what?

JOHN
An opinion as to the matter, I've heard everyone else's, do you have one?

ROBERT
Oh opinion, well yes, you see Lichtenberg once said that 'nothing is more conducive to peace of minds than not having any opinions at all.'

JOHN
What's your opinion on that quote.

ROBERT
I adore it. Lichtenberg, coincidentally is also known for saying...

JOHN
I don't care Robert, he probably uttered the words 'please dear, pass the sprouts' as well, not everything he said is must-have information.

ROBERT
Ah but he wouldn't, you see as the name suggests, he was German, but did happen to say that..

JOHN
Not another one Robert, I'm afraid I'm growing desperately bored.

ROBERT
'Someone's boring me. I think it's me.'

JOHN
Right.

ROBERT
Dylan Thomas.

JOHN
Pardon?

ROBERT
'Someone's boring me. I think it's me,' Dylan Thomas.

JOHN
Oh for the love of..

ROBERT
God yes, for the love of God, which of course brings me back to my original point that...

JOHN
Please Robert, your becoming quite a bore.

ROBERT
Right, right, yes, well you know Voltaire said that 'the secret of being a bore is to tell everyone.'

JOHN
Shut up Robert, PLEASE shut up!

ROBERT
Your becoming angry John.

JOHN
Yes I am becoming bloody angry.

ROBERT
Confucius said that 'when anger rises think of the consequences.'

JOHN
Robert, shut up and go away or I swear I'll make you go away.

ROBERT
Maybe, but remember that 'violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.'

JOHN *Springing from his seat.*
PISS OFF! GO AWAY! BUGGER OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE!

ROBERT
Piss off, go away, bugger off and leave you alone?

JOHN
Yes, yes!

ROBERT
'Piss off, go away, bugger off and leave me alone.'

JOHN
Yes?

ROBERT
Salman Rushdie wasn't it?

JOHN hits ROBERT, ROBERT falls to the floor and the stage/screen goes dark.*

I think the theme and dialogue is good. I like the idea of someone so keen to quote the opinions of others would struggle to form one of their own. Two things - I was a little unsure of the setting - I didn't know if this was happening in a recognisable, real-life location or a more abstract stage setting. Maybe a short one line scene descritpion at the start so we can place the characters might help? Secondly the conclusion of the ekstch with one character hitting another seems a little weak to me - added to the fact that it is telegraphed earlier in the sketch with John's line - "Robert, shut up and go away or I swear I'll make you go away." - any surprise at Robert being punched is kind of lost so maybe you could come up with a better ending?

But overall I liked it. I liked the "intelligence" of the sketch. Makes a change from wacky shopkeepers and talking animals (not that there's anything wrong with them).

Bo.

Fair, though I thought that the only other classic 'TV' reaction would be fore the camera to focus in on the characters face before they said "Cuh, some people eh." This would make me want to stomp on the face of a kitten so I thought that the punch would be more appropriate. The Setting would be in the style of university rooms.