British Comedy Guide

I went to a restaurant Page 20

Where do Pete Burns, Pete Doherty and Pete Townshend eat? At the Petes're'ere.

I took my wife to a fish restaurant but the portion was disappointing. I said, This plaice ain't big enough for the two of us.

What's the difference between eating and masturbating? You wash your hands BEFORE eating.

I went to a restaurant yesterday...the Alzheimer s is really kicking in now...

What do you say to American dining abroad? Anything you like, the c**t won't've learnt the language.

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