British Comedy Guide

I went to a restaurant Page 19

I fancy plates. They're dishy.

I went to a fitness restaurant and said "I'll have what the staff are having".

I could barely finish the assault course.

I went to Byron Burger and I said I'll have what the staff are having.

They do a good fry-up in Harmondsworth.

I was pissed off at work, so I went to a restaurant in quite a stew.
They served me.

My local Indian Restaurant is also operating as a massage parlour. It's rhoti downstairs and rooty tooty upstairs.

The Blackpool landlady asked me what I wanted for breakfast...

I said can you do undercooked bacon, burnt sausages, snotty egg, cold beans, two slices of stale bread and a cup of tea weak as gnats piss..?

She said yes...

I thought, well that's that joke f**ked...

I went to a Jamie's Italian...but apparently no one else did.

Anyone know where i can go now to spend £20 on about 27 pence worth of pasta?

Dian a Ross went to a sea food restaurant. She said, I want mussels.

I went to the Boris Johnson restaurant...it was mainly waffle..

I went to a William Hills restaurant...
I said Ill have a couple of favourites...
I didnt think horse would be so tough....
it was 50% off...wish Id got the fresh half...what are the odds of that hey?

I went to an Angular Merkel restaurant...
....well three square meals a day they say...

I went to the Brazilian rain-forest cafe, but had to leave as i couldn't find a non smoking section...

I went to a McDonald's. My wife said, 'Go eat shit.'

I went to a restaurant and though it was very busy and i hadn't booked, i was lucky that they managed to find me a nice table. The service was very good and the food excellent. When the bill came i was delighted to find it was on the house! on top of which they sent me home with a complimentary bottle of wine and paid for my Uber.
Best thing i ever did, changing my name by deed poll to 'Mr Mystery Shopper'...

I went to dinner with Oscar Pistorius. Wouldn't foot the bill.

Heard about the stuck-up bread? It was a-loof.

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