Paedophile insurance

v2

BOB ANSWERS THE PHONE TO TIM

BOB
Hello, do you know what time this is

TIM
Good morning sir it's time you considered PPI

BOB
But I've never had a loan, why would I need loan protection.

TIM
No sir not Personal Protection Insurance, Paedophile Protection Insurance.

BOB
Paedophiles.

TIM
Yes sir, at any time in London you could be with in 10 meters of a paedophile. You may even have some in your kitchen behind the skirting board right now.

BOB
But I haven't got any kids.

TIM
Would you like a sweet, are your parents at home.

BOB
No and no.

TIM
Now if I was a paedophile I've already offered you a sweet and ascertained your home alone. If I was a real paedophile, you'd be in real trouble.

BOB
I'm 43

TIM
The average age of a Radio 1 DJ is 89 youre a child to them.

BOB
They're old men, I'm going to hangup

TIM
They run marathons, upto 26 miles you wouldn't have a chance, they can be surprisingly cunning.....

BOB HANGS UP

BOB
Kerist honey what a loony.

A RADIO ONE DJ IN A BLONDE WIG AND NEGLIGEE OVER HIS TRACK SUIT IS EATING CORNFLAKES AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE

DJ
Not 'arf

ANOTHER RADIO ONE DJ WALKS IN WEARING MOUSE EARS CARRYING A PIECE OF CHEESE, SQUEAKS AT BOB, WHO JUMPS ON A CHAIR, BEFORE TRYING TO FIT ITS HEAD THROUGH A HOLE IN THE SKIRTING BOARD

Get into the pedo insurance from the get go - have more fun with that - I reckon it would make for a better pay-off.
Nice.

intersting if that would be to brief or run past the punch Ill think about it thanks

For some reason this ...

"BOB
I'm 43

TIM
The average age of a Radio 1 DJ is 89 youre a child to them."

.. made me laugh out loud. Maybe it was the build-up.

I don't want to be a pedant, but punctuation man!

Apart from that, I agree with the poster before that you should get rid of the religion stuff because I couldn't see how it was related to insurance. Get into the paedo stuff straight away.

EDIT: Had to edit because after telling you off for punctuation I f**ked it up myself

Yes, don't confuse the joke. The first few exchanges don't belong here. You could start with him trying to sell PPI and quickly reveal the first P is for Paedophile.

Quote: sglen @ 27th November 2013, 5:09 PM GMT

Get into the paedo stuff straight away.

View original

What the hell kind of advice is that

But thanks good advice as well I may have to edit it

V1

Quote: sootyj @ 27th November 2013, 9:27 AM GMT

BOB OPENS A DOOR TO TIM, BOB IS TIRED AND FUZZY LOOKING, TIM BRIGHT SUITED AND BUSHY TAILED

BOB
Hello how can I...

TIM
Hello sir have you allowed Jesus into your life....

BOB
I'm an aetheist.

TIM
So am I have you heard the good word of our Lord Richard Dawkins.

BOB
I'm more of an agnostic, look its 6am on a Sunday morning could.

TIM
Don't believe in not believing then you need insurance.

BOB
I've got insurance, its 6am now will you piss off.

TIM
Insurance against any eventuality.

BOB
Fire, theft, car yes now will you go.

TIM
Paedophile insurance

BOB
Why would I need that I don't have any children, just go away.

TIM
Would you like a sweet, are your parents at home.

BOB
No and no.

TIM
Now if I was a paedophile I've already offered you a sweet and ascertained your home alone.

BOB
I'm 43

TIM
The average age of a Radio 1 DJ is 89 youre a child to them.

BOB
They're old men, I am about to shut the door.

TIM
They run marathons, upto 26 miles you wouldn't have a chance, they can be surprisingly cunning.....

BOB SLAMS THE FRONT DOOR AND WALKS IN DOOR

BOB
Kerist honey what a loony.

A RADIO ONE DJ IN A BLONDE WIG AND NEGLIGEE OVER HIS TRACK SUIT IS EATING CORNFLAKES AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE

DJ
Not 'arf

View original

Quote: sglen @ 27th November 2013, 5:09 PM GMT

I don't want to be a pedant, but punctuation man!

View original

Am I right in thinking that sooty is dyslexic? I seem to recall that from somewhere.

I'm dyspraxic, but that's not going to give me dispensation from people I want to hire me.

That said if it's the lack of question marks etc.

That's because my shift key is stuck and I haven't got round to fixing it yet.

I could use the touch screen I suppose.

I agree about the joke about relative ages - it made me chuckle out loud.(COL!)

I think it works because first of all it's a fast reaction joke, the idea of age is so familiar you just get it instantly.

And then it repeats.

The rest of the sketch maybe meh, but I think that joke works.

I liked that I thought he was going to offer him paedo insurance in case he gets accused of being a paedo, something any new contracts with the BBC should include.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 27th November 2013, 9:10 PM GMT

I liked that I thought he was going to offer him paedo insurance in case he gets accused of being a paedo, something any new contracts with the BBC should include.

View original

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 27th November 2013, 9:10 PM GMT

I liked that I thought he was going to offer him paedo insurance in case he gets accused of being a paedo, something any new contracts with the BBC should include.

View original

Actually, I thought that too...might be good to play on that. He could be appalled and says he's not a paedophile when first offered? Then reveal that it's to protect him against paedophiles.

Quote: sootyj @ 27th November 2013, 8:04 PM GMT

I'm dyspraxic, but that's not going to give me dispensation from people I want to hire me.

That said if it's the lack of question marks etc.

That's because my shift key is stuck and I haven't got round to fixing it yet.

I could use the touch screen I suppose.

View original

I think it was mostly commas lacking. But sorry to bring it up if dyspraxia affects that.