This is not a pop at a poster

This I not a pop at a poster, I have just taken a name and used it

We see two truly beautiful ladies at a bar

We see a small man with red curly hair wearing a Lord of the Rings T shirt,

The man walks over to the ladies and starts up with the charm

BEN
Hello ladies my names Ben like in the song

BEAUTY ONE
The one by Michael Jackson?

BEN
That's the one

BEAUTY TWO
Wasn't he a pedophile?

BEN
That was unproven

BEAUTY ONE
Isn't that song about a Rat?

BEN
Sort of

BEAUTY TWO

So you're named after a pedophiles Rat?

Ben orders a bag of Cheese and Onion crisps and sits back down

The problem is Teddy, the premise of a nerd failing to chat up some women doesn't surprise. Plus, it just fizzles out with no real ending. Not sure if it's salvageable.

I think it could work, but as a one-liner amidst a string of quickies. Let's say, gorgoues elegant woman in bar, and the men basicaly queue up to chat to her. She cuts each one down effortlessly.

-Hi, my name's Ben. My parents were big Michael Jackson fans.
-You're named after a paedophile's pet rat?

And so on.

Not sure it's amazing, but could work as little sorbets in a sketch show, or something.

Yeah, not sure if it works as a sketch really. If you wanted to go with the idea I would have it as a throwaway one-liner in something larger.

Also, I had no idea there was a Michael Jackson song with 'Ben' in it. Or that Michael Jackson had a rat. So it might be too niche a reference for people to just get.

Quote: sglen @ 26th November 2013, 6:30 PM GMT

Also, I had no idea there was a Michael Jackson song with 'Ben' in it.

View original

There is, it's the one called Ben.

Sooty you can write what you want about me and then take it down like a shithouse it doesn't bother me lad

I'd say make it funny but I'd be wasting my time, you couldn't write funny with a f**king boxing glove on and a wobbly pen.

As for being a troll. you're miles off lad. I work my arse off trying to put stuff and get noticed, I do it because I'm skint and hope to God someone sees a glimmer of potential, I don't want fame Sooty I just want to be able to pay my rent in the middle of an economic downturn.

You may not find me funny, that's fine I'm not looking for universal acceptance of my stuff just a niche of people who think it's funny will do me.

This all started after I got a few good reviews,once that happened people who rarely acknowledge I'm on these boards came on to put me down.

So I defended myself I always have, because I have seen what happens to poor bastards who come on here and show weakness, they get cut to bits for fun.

I'll be the first to admit I can flip, but look at what transpires before that, people like you come on out of pure f**king envy and dis something out of jealousy.

I have put some shit sketches up I'll be the first to admit that, but when I do hit a coconut I don't expect to have to fight every f**king gypsy in the fairground in order to take it home

,
But you won't get me soft arse because I am funny, I have always been funny and I will always be funny, that's not me being big headed that's me being confident enough to tell you to blow it out your arse.

You haunt these boards like Casper, you claim to be a well paid writer with a hundred and one jobs on the go, if that's the case why bother starting arguments on the internet with people trying to get ahead?

If you're a comedy writer lets put it to the test.

Put your best ten sketches up, let's see what gives you the right to get on other writers backs.

If you want me to put what I consider to be my best ten up,I'll be happy too.

We can put it to a vote, whoever wins stays and the other leaves, I know you have more mates than me on here so it's a massive risk for me, possibly suicidal.

But I will abide by the vote and leave these boards as I don't want to be on a Comedy site that lets people like you attempt to bring people down on a whim because your bored shitless and can't think of anything funny to write.

So Lets do it lad, you and your sidekicks can vote me into oblivion, all I have on my side will be what I consider to be my best sketches and the hope that people will give honest opinions.

Take the challenge Sooty banish the Troll and rule the roost, you can then strut your stuff and rip new comers to pieces safe in the knowledge that your the best writer on here and only your views count.

It's the Scouse equivalent of going outside for a straightener, I've had a fair few of them in my time I never won them all but I have never backed down from one either.

So SootyJ the international well paid expert in comedy, do you fancy coming with all your mates and take a lone Scouser on?

I could be gone for good by Saturday and you and your's can get back to hijacking a site that is supposed to be for comedy.

I do apoligise I had just bid on a job for the Saudi Department of international education and electronic morality. I accidentally mentioned I was Jewish, thought it was a deal breaker so I thought share some initial sketches on the story that no doubt had failed.
But f**k me turns out they now love the Jews and this character I can't discuss is back. So I had to swiftly take him down, or else the deal was sunk.

Can I just state, he was in no way an attempt to mock or denegrate you.

He's simply an anthropmorphisation of safe internet practices's and Wahabist Islamic values.

I can not apologise enough if you misunderstood this as an at all personal dig.

He's actually the first animal representation to be used by the Islamist media, usually such a thing would be apostasy.

If you're interested in my writings, why not use the search function in critique. Ive got about 2000 works in there from film scripts, to silent scripts.

If they helped you to achieve that success you seem to desire

I'd be the happiest poster here.

Sooty if you don't post shit about me and then take it down once you have had whatever buzz you get from it, then we can happily continue to ignore each other, it's worked so far.
Yesterday you actually helped me , then you do that?

As for your comeback, you should file that with your other stuff then you'll have 2001 sketches no one can make head nor f**king tail of.

I may yet post the kids story.

The minister at the ministry has informed me the doll will have an easily removable head and will come with a toy sword.

That and when I speak to him by skype I should wear a burqa and lipstick.

This concerns me.

Such is the life of a freelancer, what would you suggest Teddy.

Medication and lots of it.

Good thread imo :0

For what it's worth, I always enjoy reading your sketches Teddy. You're a rough diamond.

Thanks for that Gerry, sorry I am always involved in arguments, I really don't want to be you know.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ 27th November 2013, 2:21 PM GMT

Medication and lots of it.

View original

For the minister I can't suggest that, he used to be in Al Quaeda he's scary.

Sooty you need help, not normal GP stuff either, you need people with clipped Austrian accents who have access to a private clinic were the nurses have headphones on while they give you at least six jabs an hour on the hour and every f**king hour.

Thats as maybe but its no help whatsoever in a question of writing ethics.