Ooooops Bad Mummy!!!

INT

Good cop & bad cop, Sergeant's have entered the digs.

Bad cop
(Shouts) Stand by your beds! (Arms folded behind his back marching up & down the room)

The soldiers obey.

Private Terry yawns

Good Cop
(Overly sympathetic voice) Oh Dear. What have we here. Are you a tired boy Private Terry.

Private Terry
(Nods) Yes Sgt, very tired Sgt

Bad Cop
(Shouts) Well lads we need to wake up Private Terry.
(Sticks his face next to Private Terrys left ear) (Hollers, till his face turns blue)
WAKEY WAKEY (bad word)!!!!!!!

Private Terry’s eyes roll.

Good cop
Is that you all signed up in the Wide Awake Club Now

Private Terry
Yes Sgt., I have joined the Wide Awake club Sir

A mobile bleeps.

Good Cop
Ooooops! Uh Oh.

Bad cop
(Screaming) Whose (bad word) phone is (bad word) squawking

(Silence from the Privates)

Bad cop
(Shouts) Right all phones out now.

The privates all get their phones out

Bad cop (arms behind his back) strolls up & down looking at the phones, until he reaches Private Stockbridges) There is a new message alert.
Bad cop takes the mobile from him, opens the message

Bad cop
(READS in a Baby voice) are you ok, I love you, mummy kiss kiss.

Private Stockbridge turns scarlet

Good cop
That’s sweet eh lads. Lets all go (Very bad word) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

All the Privates go (Very bad word) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sgt.

Bad Cop
(To Private Stockbridge) (Baby Voice) Are you a mummy wummys boy Private. (Tickles the Privates chin). Awwwwww! (Folds his arms like a cradle & starts to rock his arms. Fast)
Mummys baby. (Bad word) Mummys (Screams) BABY. (Turns to his cradled arms)
Are you ok. I love you (Puckers his lips up and kisses into the cradle).
Send your mummy a text back then Private. Tell her, thank you mummy wummy I love you too

Private Stockbridge
(texts away). Yes Sgt!

Good cop
(Pats the soldier on the arm) There there! Lickle one.

Bad cop
(Hollering) Right Girls we are going on a run. Private Stockbridge I want to see you sucking you (Bad word) Thumb all the (very bad word) way. Grab a blanket mummy’s boy, it can be your nunu.

They start running. The (Bad cop) starts a song off for them.

Bad Cop
Private Stockbridge is a mummys boy

Privates repeat

Bad cop
He wants his brooom broooms & chu chu toys

Privates repeat

Bad cop
He has his nunu blanket & his Dummy

Privates repeat

Bad cop
He had a text saying (Baby voice) love you from mummy

Privates repeat

Bad cop
Whose the Mummys boy & biggest baby of this entire group

Privates
Private Stockbridge

Bad Cop
When we get back will bib him up & spoon feed him soup.

CLOSE

lol reminds me of that awesome scene from Full metal Jacket. I really enjoyed it, made me laugh. What's with the uhh (bad words) although I did imagine all sorts of nasty words to put in so, thats actually alot more effective.

Good job!

only crit is the song i quite hard to follow. I think should have the Seargant character above all the lines he says to help that also it doesnt say which one of the Seargants I assume its the bad cop one?

Good points gav. I will correct it now it now.

Ps. I am not allowed to text my son anymore!!!

Very funny scene Charley, enjoyed it a lot and takes me back to my Army days (although that scene never happened, mainly because we never had mobile phones in my day).

Just one technical point also, if he is indeed a 'Sgt', then he would not be referred to as 'Sir' by the privates!

If someone called a 'Sgt' this, he would immediately shout out the well rehearsed mantra "I'm not a [bad word] officer, I work for a living, you pile of [bad word]"!

Very funny and up to date and i can actually see the scene as a modern "It ain't 'alf hot mom".

Nice one!

Hi There.
Thanks Batman.
Well my son has just started his basic training & I sent him a text when I shouldnt have done. I am basing this on some of the garbled screams I got from him when he last called. LOL
I will change the sir to Sarge now. Thanks again.

I think it would be better with sdome swear words. Do you know any?

I am a good Christian woman David.

Sorry - I forgot

Yes, very (bad word) good. I liked the chant at the end and I agree with Gav.

Fankoo Leevil.

Bless you, Charley - I bet there are plenty more army-related gems lurking in that there mind. Bad words? How about 'arse cheese'? x

Tickles the Privates chin - cracks me up.

Good job, very funny.

Quote: Sam Smith @ August 31, 2007, 7:17 AM

Tickles the Privates chin - cracks me up.

Good job, very funny.

View original

You should look up the rest of her bits - her writing that is!

Fankoo Fred & Sam.
My son is informing me of some of the stuff that comes out of these Fellow's mouths. He said it's hard because it is hillarious but you dare not laugh. Their platoon are 'beasted' constantly.
I have heard of, having to scrub all the white lines from the carpark with a wire brush, then repainting them, as one form of 'beasting'.
Oh to be a fly on the wall. It would give you loads of comedic ideas.

Well if you really are like Lois out of Malcolm in the Middle, I bet your son thinks he's on holiday.