Thanks to all who take the trouble to read this, especially those who are re-reading. All comments helpful,I hope the changes I have made make sense .
I am aware that the new 'plot' add, for want of a better word, isn't all that strong but from a viewers point, if you'd started watching this and after scene 2 it went to adverts, would you want to watch the 2nd half or would you switch over to something more...watchable, a yes or no at the end of your comments will be fine, thanks again
YXY - Pilot Episode - Scene 1 - Page 1
1.Int. Kitchen of Gran - Mid afternoon
Sophie enters through exterior door carrying two bags of shopping.
Sophie
(Calling)
Hi Gran, it's just me
Gran (O.O.V.)
Oh hello love, you alright?
Sophie
Yes thanks; I've picked up some bits and pieces from the supermarket.
Gran (O.O.V.)
Ooh thanks love. First day back at work next monday isn't it?
Sophie
Yes Gran.
Gran (O.O.V.)
Dressed as a girl?
Sophie
Yes Gran.
Gran (O.O.V.)
They'd have shot you ya know...during the war.
Sophie
Really Gran?
(Shakes head, smiling, as she puts shopping away)
Gran (O.O.V.)
Oh yes. They'd have put you against a wall and shot you...for being a whoopsie.
Sophie
You sure about that Gran? I thought that only happened in Germany
Gran (O.O.V.)
Well maybe, but they'd have taken one look at you and said 'Voss is dass?' and that would have been it, up against a wall and 'BANG'.
Sophie
Well thankfully things have changed a bit since then Gran.
And I'm not a whoopsie Gran, I'm transgender.
Gran (O.O.V.)
Ooh yes, things have definitely changed. Which reminds me, what's book ache?
Sophie
Erm, well I'm not really sure, but if I had to make an educated guess I would say it's probably some sort of repetitive strain injury...possibly common amongst librarians. What context is it in?
Gran (O.O.V.)
It was in one of those message thingies, the ones from that dating site.
Sophie
Are you still using that Gran?
Gran (O.O.V.)
Well, you know, it's just a bit of fun.
Sophie
(Walks into adjoining room, finds gran sitting at table at laptop, gives her a kiss and looks over her shoulder at the screen)
I see you're still down as being twenty seven years old Gran.
Gran
Well I got the numbers the wrong way round didn't I...and everybody lies about their age on these things anyway.
Sophie
(Takes a seat opposite gran)
Yeah, by four or five years Gran; not forty five years. So what does this message say?
Gran
(Looks at screen and starts to move mouse around)
Just a second...let me find it...Here we go.
(Clears throat and reads message)
Hi there, Looked at your profile and liked what I saw. I'm trying to arrange a book ache session for a few friends at the end of the month and was wondering if you'd like to join us. Look forward to hearing from you, Hunglow74, kiss, kiss, kiss, smiley face.
Sophie
(Confused and somewhat horrified look on her face)
Erm, just spell book ache for me would you Gran.
Gran
(Spells out)
B-U-K-K-A-K-E
Sophie
(Horrified)
That's bukkake Gran
Gran
(Smiling)
That sounds exotic. So, would I be interested in a session of that?
Sophie
No Gran, I don't think so.
(Under her breath, aside)
Not if I ever want to have nightmare free sleep again you don't.
Gran
Fair enough. Which reminds me; I know it's a bit short notice but I need you to move out by this Friday if at all possible.
Sophie
Oh. Right. Can I ask why?
Gran
Your cousin Gemma finishes her tour of duty on Saturday and she'll be wanting her old room back.
Sophie
You make it sound like she's a member of the armed forces Gran instead of a dancer on a cruise ship.
Gran
Some of the stories she could tell you make facing the Taliban look like childs play. Maybe you can move back in with David?
Sophie
I don't know, we have spoken that much since...all this.
Gran
He's a good lad that David, brave as a lion.
Sophie
(Smiling)
Yeah, he's a good lad.
Gran
Do you remember that time over the park when those big lads were picking on you?
Sophie
Yes Gran.
Gran
(Emphasises by adopting a fighting stance)
Like a flash, there he was, telling 'em that if they wanted you they'd have to go through him first.
Sophie
Yes Gran, I remember.
Gran
(Pauses as if remembering the day herself)
You both took a wallopin' that day didn't you?
Sophie
Yes Gran.
Gran
Which reminds me, that postman's' been down the street again.
Sophie
(Looks confused)
Err, I'm pretty sure that's their job Gran, walking down streets and stuff. It'd be pretty hard for them to do their job otherwise.
Gran
(Shakes her head)
Not the normal one, not that miserable old bleeder. The young one, the one who was working when you stayed over those few weeks.
Sophie
Oh that one?
Gran
(Smiling impishly)
Yes, that one. I reckon he might be trying to bump into you...mayhap he's got the hots for you.
Sophie
Gran!
Gran
Well you never know.
Sophie
(Looks out towards the window)
I only really saw him that one time...when I had to sign for that package.
Gran
Well I'll keep an eye out for him, maybe I'll invite him in for a cuppa, see what he's after.
Sophie
Well you really shouldn't be inviting strange men into the house Gran but it's up to you. You never did tell me what was in that package Gran.
Gran
(Looking flustered)
Err, is that the time? Must get on Sophie dear, Monty Dons going to be showing us how to prepare bulbs in a few minutes...I'll see you later.
(Stands, gives Sophie a kiss on the cheek and hurries out the room)
Sophie
(Smiles and shakes her head and then her face turns serious. She opens her bag, retrieves her phone and pushes a button and takes a deep breath)
Hi...David?...It's Sophie
Scene End
Scene 2
Int: Sophie is in the flat she now shares again with David. Dressed in a dressing gown, she has her feet up on the settee where she's sitting trying to paint her toenails, her tongue poking out in frustration. The front door slams.
Sophie
(Accidentally swipes nail polish brush across her toes)
Oh you twat!
David enters carrying a bag of takeaway food and enters the kitchen area situated behind the settee.
David
Hello
(Puts takeaway bag on table and looks over)
What you doing?
Sophie
(Makes self-evident pose, holding up nail polish and brush)
Painting my nails
David
(Quizzical)
Why?
Sophie
Cos I'm a girl.
David
Oh right, yeah
(Turns and takes two plates from a cupboard)
Do you want Chinese, I bought plenty.
Sophie
(Enquiring as she reaches across to table for nail cleanser and pads))
Have you got chicken balls?
David
(Opening packages and depositing food onto plates)
Yeah, but the doctor says I should just keep applying the cream and it'll clear up in no time.
Sophie
(Mimes laughing and then looks nervously at Dave)
Thanks for letting me move back in Dave; you're a good mate.
Dave
Don't worry about it. I was in a quandary anyway, I had to choose between a porn star and a volleyball player as my next flatmate and I was having real trouble in deciding which one I was going to let down.
Sophie
(continues smiling nervously)
No, really Dave, thanks.
Dave
(waves a 'don't mention it' hand towards Sophie)
Sophie
Anyway, you're back early. Date not go well?
David
(Finishes portioning out food)
It wasn't brilliant. Fair play to her, she did say the picture she'd sent me was a bit old. It was of her and some friends from uni. I should have clocked something wasn't quite right by the fact one of her mates was wearing a Wham t-shirt but I just thought she was being a bit retro you know, like students do.
Sophie
(Smiling)
So she didn't look much like her photo then?
David
(Collects cutlery from drawer and brings both food and cutlery round)
Well when I first saw her I thought 'Stunner'.
Sophie
(Hurriedly puts down nail polish remover, scoots back a little to make more space and accepts proffered plate with a smile)
Thanks. Well I bet that was a nice surprise.
David
(Shaking head as he sits down, placing plate on table in front of him)
No...no, you misunderstand me. I was thinking 'Please, someone 'stun her' and I might be able to make my escape'.
Sophie
(Pulls face)
Not your type then?
David
(Pauses with forkful of food near mouth)
Well, put it this way, she looked like Brian Blessed in a dress...but not quite as effeminate.
Sophie
(Smiling mischievously)
Sounds just like your type.
David
(Pulls face)
Sophie
So you scarpered sharpish then?
David
No I didn't actually. Ok, so she wasn't what I'd call physically ideal but she'd obviously gone to the trouble of getting ready and making the trip so it was only fair and right for me to go along with the date.
Sophie
(Nodding)
She spotted you before you could bail didn't she?
David
(Nodding)
Yup.
Sophie
(Just as she's about to take a mouthful of food)
So what happened?
David
Well we got a drink and got sat at our table. Then, after a few minutes of small talk, I used my fall-back excuse and then I'm out the door
(Makes fast hand movement)
Pssheew
(Takes a small mouthful of food and through the food says)
Oh and if anyone asks your Dad's dead.
Sophie
(Eyebrows furrowed, fork halfway to mouth)
Err yeah, thanks for reminding me. Just so you know I'm well aware that my Dad's dead, he's been dead for quite a while now.
David
(Shakes head)
No...what I mean is if some strange looking woman should turn up looking for me then I'm not available because your Dad's dead. And you should try and look a bit upset about it too.
Sophie
So how exactly did we get to this state of affairs?
David
(Puts down fork and turns towards Sophie)
Right, ok, so you're my date right?
Sophie
(Backs away a little)
That's kind of weird but...ok.
David
Ok, so (goes into date posture) Yeah, really? You like bricklaying?... that's cool...yeah, bricks are great, I mean...Hold on (touches trouser pocket) Sorry, I didn't want to spoil our date but I put it on vibrate for emergencies and it's just gone off...I better just take this.
(Takes phone out of pocket and puts it to his ear)
Hello?...OHMYGOD! YOU'RE DADS DEAD!...yeah, I'm on my way.
(Puts phone on table as he explains)
Then its apologies, money on the table for the meal and taxi fare home, promises to call later, and out the door, free as a bird.
Sophie
(Nods head)
And you've used that excuse before have you?
David
(Nodding and resuming eating)
Well not exactly like that but yeah. Remember that weekend we had in Amsterdam when we needed to leave on the Friday morning?
Sophie
(Looking contemplative)
No. I remember leaving on the Friday morning but that's about it. I don't remember anything else. Including why you have a tattoo on your left buttock that reads 'David loves Corey73' or why I can never look at an avocado without my eyes watering.
David
(Grinning)
Yeah. Well originally I wasn't able to get the Friday off so on the Thursday morning
(Mimes holding a phone to his ear)
...'What? Oh my god, you're Dad's dead!'
Sophie
That's doesn't explain why they gave you the time off, it's not like it was your dad.
David
Well they know that I'm very close to my flatmate.
(Looks embarrassed)
You're like a broth...sister to me.
Sophie
They don't actually know about what's happening now though do they?
David
No. This is all new; they don't know about...this.
Sophie
(Look concerned, smiles nervously and plays with food)
You are alright with this aren't you?
David
What? Yeah...yeah...I mean, yeah. Obviously, being honest, it's a bit strange and it's going to take some getting used to...
(Pauses, looks down at plate)
...but you're still my best mate, I still love ya. Just now you prefer walking around in a skirt instead of chasing it.
(Laughs and looks at Sophie)
And it's not like you've started drug trafficking, or you're wanted by Interpol...or you've been touching up kids.
Sophie
Like Father Brian
David
(Shocked, stares at Sophie)
WHAT!?
Sophie
Like Father Brian.
David
(Looking incredulous)
Father Brian isn't wanted by Interpol...he didn't touch up kids
Sophie
(Nodding)
Yes he did...after Sunday school.
David
(Shaking his head)
Nah, that's impossible. He never touched me.
Sophie
Well you weren't the most attractive child there. Father Brian was seriously weird; c'mon, you must remember the stories that were going around about him.
David
(Thoughtful)
I remember he was quite accident prone...and unlucky. There was that time he fell off a step ladder whilst decorating naked and landed on that...you know...candle. That really is unlucky, I mean, what are the chances of that happening?
Sophie
(Eyes wide)
Yes, exactly. Just what are the odds of decorating naked and managing to impale yourself on a greased candle?
David
(Not really listening)
And didn't he cause a bit of a scene when he went on that walking holiday, slipped and fell on a goat?
Sophie
(Shaking head)
He went on a fell walking holiday and was seen slipping into a goat.
David
(Ignoring Sophie)
I was quite sad when he left. I'm sure I remember he said something like he felt he was being tested by the constant exposure and the last thing I recall was that he'd gone off to Ireland to study ladybirds.
Sophie
(Shaking her head and sighing)
He was arrested for exposing himself to Constance, Isaacs' mom, and he was last heard of going to Thailand and studying lady boys.
(Pauses while David looks on confused)
He wasn't even a real Father. He was a charlatan. His real name is Tony Maldeen and he's wanted by Interpol for drug running, fraud, robbery and bestiality...amongst other things.
David
(Still looking confused)
Well how come I don't remember all this?
Sophie
(Holds up two fingers)
Two reasons. First (ticks off first finger) It was 2002
David
(Interjects with eyebrows raised)
World cup year.
Sophie
(Nods) And second reason (ticks off second finger) Kelly Turton.
David
(Smiling as he looks into the middle distance as he reminisces)
OH...Kelly Turton. She had the most amazing, (Sophie joins in unison as David finishes sentence)
David/Sophie
Fantastic, wonderful, breasts.
David
(Looks sharply at Sophie)
How do you know?
Sophie
Remember that year? I spent a lot of time at yours, sleeping over, sharing your room? Well you have a tendency to talk in your sleep.
David
Oh right
(Looks panicked)
I didn't, like, go into any specifics while I was talking in my sleep did I?
Sophie
(Smiling, enjoying this)
What...sort of specifics mate?
David
(Looking uncomfortable)
Oh, err; you know...maybe certain acts using particular food or drinks?
Sophie
(Grinning)
Like Chocolate nesquik mate? No, you never mentioned anything like that mate
David
(Looking relieved)
Right, good.
(The penny drops and he shoots a glance at Sophie who quickly looks down at her plate grinning from ear to ear)
Scene end 
