Hi all,just another short sketch 
Int: Scene opens with man in smart suit showing another man into an office. The other man has a black, unkempt wig and a ginger moustache.
First man: (ushering 2nd man in)
Welcome Mr Grundon, thanks for coming in to see us.
Mr Grundon: (smiling, takes offered chair, sits down)
Oh, no trouble at all mr...?
First man: (sits behind desk)
Mr Effard. Yes, I felt we had to see you, if not for any other reason than to ask you to stop sending us mail, emails and throwing gravel at the windows and shouting up at us. You see Mr Grundon, I've looked at your programme proposal very seriously and I'm afraid that it just wouldn't work.
Mr Grundon:
It's the title isn't it?
Mr Effard:
Well yes, the title would have to be changed. 'I'm a celebrity, twang me the f**k out of here' simply isn't commercially viable. But apart from that, there is already a programme on TV that is remarkably similar to yours.
Mr Grundon: (surprised)
Really?
Mr Effard:
Indeed so Mr Grundon. It's a TV show where minor celebrities, wannabe's and fading stars participate in a number of tasks designed to make them look foolish, stupid or to terrify the hell out of them. Whereas your proposal would entail...
(looks at proposal)
Twanging celebrities out of a huge catapult to a distance of three hundred to four hundred feet, dependant on size and weight of celebrity and...
MrGrundon: (leaning forward)
...on wind conditions during the day, yes.
Mr Effard:
Apart from anything else Mr Grundon, your proposal is remarkably flimsy.
(picks up single piece of paper)
Though I do like your drawings; crayon?
Mr Grundon: (beaming)
Yes
Mr Effard: (points at something on paper)
Almost managed to stay within the lines with that one.
But what you need to understand Mr Grundon is, although the celebrities involved in this show look like they may be in peril at times, they are actually very, very safe. Other shows, like any of those with Ross Kemp, where he's talking with the Taliban or whatever, they would suggest that his very life is in danger, yet they are actually filmed on a green screen in Congleton. Bear Grylls is in fact a clay model, in the same mould as Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit fame.
You see Mr Grundon, although the celebrities look like they're in danger, they are in fact in no danger at all. Whereas your proposal would seem to suggest that they would be in very grave danger.
Mr Grundon:
Ahh well, it's actually incredibly safe. They would be completely unharmed from the moment of launch till the moment they land.
Mr Effard:
Yes, I think I understand what you're saying. May I ask what happens to them the moment AFTER they land?
Mr Grundon:
Oh, well, then there'd be a lot of blood and a horrible mess. Broken bones, internal injuries, punctured, splintered and ruptured internal organs would be quite definite...with a high probability of death.
Mr Effard:
Well you see our problem Mr Grundon, I doubt that there are any celebrities out there who are so far down the list or that desperate for fame that they would sentence themselves to probable death simply to be remembered for just a few weeks longer. I'm sorry Mr Grundon, but we just can't work with you on this.
(stands and begins to escort Mr Grundon out)
Mr Grundon:
Oh well, thank you for your time Mr Effard, it was worth a go I suppose. I imagine I'll just go back to whittling.
Mr Effard:
You do that Mr Grundon, and please, stop contacting us.
(shows Mr Grundon out)
Mr Grundon:
Ok, will do...thanks again for your time.
Mr Effard:
You're welcome Mr Grundon
(closes door behind Mr Grundon, waits a second and then runs over to desk grabbing his phone)
Melissa? Get me Endemol, I've got a great idea for a show!
