This is something I wrote ages ago, just wanted some feedback because I may pick it up again and do it as a one off thing.
Think Last of the Summer Wine meets Father Ted or something as silly.
Only a few two or three scenes,
http://pc.celtx.com/project/hdC6APNWsDGY/view/http://celtx.com/res/dtfw5Yjwr7kp
Thanks.
Yeah, that seemed quite good. Could have mileage in it, but I think everything moves along too quickly. Each scene is roughly 30-45 seconds and thats a bit too short in my opinion.
Thanks WL, are you saying I'm moving too quickly to establish characters? I was trying to avoid the stereotypical image of them sat around knitting as a grandfather clock ticks away in the background and whilst I don't imagine them to be surfing, skateboarding and all that, I was also trying to establish the same feeling that you may get with Porridge or something, have them be in their own little world.
I actually really loved it, Leevil. I like the mood you created.
A couple of lines made me laugh out loud.
("Ooh hot." and "I thought it was a telescopic one", if you're interested.)
Thanks zooo, I enjoyed errr writing the telescopic one, as it was the first time I remember writing 'slapstick', if that's the right word?
Because as I'm sure most of us concentrate more on the dialog at first.
I think the characters are established just fine, but just found that the scenes are flying thick and fast. Also, I liked the 'telescopic one' line - that was very Father Ted.
This is good, Leevil. It leaves a bad taste but so does some of the best comedy!
Yes, it moved along quite nicely and yes, it was well written but even so, I really felt this was just an extension of 'Pinky and the Brain'.