Small Sketch, just finished writing it out with notepad, so no spelling, gramma, nothing but I want a feel for not so much comedy content but am I pulling off the "feel" for a real Peep Show sketch I want to know if I have their personally pinned...
I'll simply copy and paste.
Peep show (mini scene)
Mark Corrigon
Jezza
Setting, both Jezza and Mark are walking past the shops, doing something they've not really done
all that much since well, the pilot episode and Mark's standing up sophie at the isle but anyway.
An attacker pulls a 6inch blade on Mark and Jeremy is like....
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Jeeza: Hey man, there's no need for the knife is it money you want?
Mark: Yeah is it money? I have money how much do you want? I have like 40 maybe 45 or 46 pounds
maybe even 47 if I count up all the loose change
Jezza: Mark this is no time to be counting your money.
Attacker: Both of you in this alley way, he forces them both Jez and Mark into an alleyway;
Mark: Look we offered you money what is it?
Jezza: Oh my God no, I don't do anal dude.... I'll blow you if you if you want me.
Mark: Oh God no (Just what Jeremy would like, to suck the dick of some complete stranger what next, some rimming to go?) look just tell
us what you want us to do....... please.
Attacker: The fat one, where's the nearest toilet.
Mark: staring at him with a blank look (oh f**k, he's asking me where the nearest toilet is)
Jezza: (He's a kinky gay pervert who police find in public bathrooms, wow this guy knows his shit)
Mark: Uh hmmm, well just around the corner I suppose.
Attacker: After you then, come on let's go.
Jezza: What, we're actually going to the toilets all 3 of us?
Mark: Well yeah he's the one holding a big knife (what you going to do Mark, take my shoe off beat him to death with my shoe?)
Jezza: Seriously?
Attacker: Shut the f**k up both of you, toilet now!.
Mark & Jezza Toilet Scene.
Standing in the toilet, the attacker tells them both to go into the cubicals with the doors wide open.
Mark: (OMG I'm in the toilet cubical what next, take my pants off ?)
Jezza: Oh God I remember these toilets, you can even see the glory hole they filled in, which we cut out.
Mark: Jezz, Jezz [scared like] do you think he's going to kill us?
Attacker: both of you, be quiet, take your pants off, both of you now, sit down on the toilet...
Now if you don't do what I say This Knife and your face will get mutually aquainted if you know what I mean,
Mark: I always knew I was going to die but not sitting on the toilet (What could be more degrading than this?!)
Attacker: If you do what I say, you can walk out....
Mark: OK (well, what else could I say? no, and get familiarized and fondled by his knife, no thank you)
attacker: I want you to shit youself?
Mark: Is that it, you want me to excrete? Into a toilet... (Am I really "shitting" my self when on the toilet,
surely, I'd have to be scared so badly as for one to shit him or her ones self?"
Jezza: What? you want me to do something I do every day sometimes even twice? Maybe even 3 times after a huge curry on a friday night?
Mark: Oh well, that's alright then, the Almighty Jeremy gets to live because he shits sometimes maybe 3 times a day, how convinient for you...
(oh all those years wasted watching those cop shows, the Bill, etc, not once, ever did I ever see someone made to shit into a toilet)
Attacker: DO IT!!! OR
Mark: Oh I can't I think I'm constipated or something.
Jeremy: I had one before I left and I'm hungry.
Attacker: OK, one of you has to leave to buy food then and if the police come, the one with me dies.
Mark: ok I'll go I could do with some fresh air
Jeremy: get me a mars bar, make that a deep fried mars bar, chips, chicken, well chefs special, bugers
i'm staving dude I won't get out of here ever if you don't
Mark: I'm not doing the weekly shopping Jez, look I'll find something. (Is this real? IS this really happening to me?)
Jezza: So then Mr attacker Person, why are you holding us at ransom practically kidnapping us and holding us hostage in a public toilet?
Attacker: I have my reasons
Jezza: Where's mark he's been gone 15 minutes and I'm starving (if mark were here he'd be saying "whaa whaa whaa money whaa" I
don't really listen to him these days unless I belive it to be it's important, kinda like a jude really yes, judge Jezza
I like the sound of that Judge Jezza)
Mark Returns
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Jezza: About time you're back!
Mark: So let me get this straight you want Jez and I to eat this food?
Attacker: Correct
Mark: I Bought 2 litres of pop, am I allowed to drink pop? (What am i? an 8 year ask permission from his mum to get a drink from the fridge?)
Jeeza: Well what you waiting for pass the food compadre, I'm staving...
Mark Reluctantly passes the food..
Jezza: mmmmm [begins eating, well scoffing]
Mark: (well at least someone's benifting from all this and it's not bloody well me)
Attacker: Hurry
[15 minutes later]
Sounds of moans and groans of stuffing themselves with the food can be heard from every cubicle in the bathroom.
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Attacker: Right Both of you now shit yourself! or else!
Mark: (Oh my god, is this how I die, trying to shit myself, or rather trying to take a regular normal every day shit but can not currently, or is incapable of
doing so, is that really fair?)
Jezza: No problem [ sounds of Jezza puffing his cheeks and squeezing every muscle in his body but nothing, not a sound, nada]
Mark: So then, any sized shit will do?, will you be happy if I only take a smally tiny one? or do you like require a standard? a benchmark
to which I have to perform on?
Attacker: Just do a bloody shit!!!
Mark: ok I was just clarifying
Jezza: Mark, just do a dump already , I Know you can, I even seen you do one...
Mark: But this is different I never had a knife against my throat if I fail to "shit" oneself.
Jezza: Be a man and just shit yourself.
Mark: Do you have any special techquniqes Jez?
Jezza: Yeah, Mark... you have another child; one I know about but was sworn to secrecy to never tell you.
Mark: Are you for real?
Jezza: Yes
Mark: Well why now tell me?
Jezza: Mark, well dude can't you take laxitive? does it look like I have a box of laxitives with me? (what, do people carry laxitives around with them these days?)
jezza: Just go buy some then
Mark: Why not you? (god I'm already being tortured now he wants me to go buy laxitives, I'm wondering if the knife is the least better of the two options now.)
Jezza: Mark just go buy some so we can get out of here already
Mark: Attacker, look I just want to know why you're doing this to us?..
Attacer: you have 10 more minutes or you get to play operation surgeon with mr knife of mine.
Mark soon leaves to get laxitives and on the way back throwing them into his mouth and swallowing them down with a bottle
of water he just bought...
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Mark: ok I've taken them
Jezza: What? a whole box?
Mark: No, just a whole tab
Jezza: [bursts out laughing] (lol, here come the squirts)
Mark: (well that sounds very encouraging...)
Mark: Attacker, please just ..
Attacker: Shut up or you will die... now shit yourself before I regret what I will do to you.
Mark Buh.. Buh
Attacker: I like to hear the sound a shit makes when it hits the water *Plop*
Mark: (OMG this pycho wants to hear that, all he's going to hear is the sound of a water tap and some groaning)
Jezza: [not caring in the world, just doing his thing into the toilet)
Mark: Can I at least close the toilet door? (give me some dignity while a complete stranger listens to me taking a shit)
Attacker: Sure but be quick, I have to be back soon to watch the Chaser.
[The sound of Marks door closing]
Mark: (He may still hear me, but at least he does not see me, still I am be forced against my wil)
Attacker: Hurry up fat man....
Mark: OMH OH HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY THE PAIN IN MY STOMACHE [pain, sounds of gugles, and almost industrial type hisses, not good, too much laxitive]
-----Next are sounds of pain and delight as he releases all the presure on his bowls================
Few seconds into the raw pain maybe 8 seconds or so, we finally cut out to the attacker leaving...