I suppose I didn't really expect them to use this.
Dan
=================
OPEN LETTER
=================
INTRO:
The most liberal of the nuns, Sinead O'Connor, this week wrote Miley Cyrus, apparently the most liberal of the liberals, an open letter this week--
F/X:QUIET SOBBING
JUSTIN:
-- pleading with her not to prostitute herself to the music industry. With her own exp... with her own experienc... What is that sobbing? Lewis? Are you okay?
LEWIS:
(UPSET) It's... (SOB)... this.
F/X:LETTER RUSTLED
JUSTIN:
Oh wow! We got an old-fashioned 'letter'! The nostalgia is obviously getting to you.
LEWIS:
No. It's an open letter from my hero... (SOB) Mike Yarwood.
JUSTIN:
Mick Yar... man?
LEWIS:
Mike Yarwood! He's the King of Impressionists! From the 80s! (BLUBS) He says (PRINCE CHARLES) I should stop prostituting myself by doing cheap impressions on Newsjack.
JUSTIN:
And he sounds like that, does he?
LEWIS:
I think so. (BLOWS NOSE) I can't really remember.
JUSTIN:
Well, he's not being very specific, is he?
LEWIS:
(SOBS) He says (MILIBAND) my Ed Miliband is for cheap laughs rather than biting satire, (GREGG WALLACE) my Gregg Wallace is too flabby, and (WOGAN) my Wogan is just too laconic. Ahaha! (WAILS) That's my favourite!
JUSTIN:
Oh, don't listen to him, Lewis! You're a great impressionist. Easily as good as this Mark--
LEWIS:
Mike.
JUSTIN:
Mike Barbrook.
LEWIS:
Yarwood!
JUSTIN:
Yes, I'd say you're even better than him. And... erm... the other one... you know..? Monet?
LEWIS:
(REGAINING COMPOSURE) Thanks Justin. But I... yes, as of this moment, I refuse to do any more cheap impressions. I'm restricting myself to the well-respected and honoured: (McKELLEN) Sir Ian McKellen, (PATRICK STEWART) Sir Patrick Stewart, (NO IMPRESSION) Sir Jimmy Saville.
JUSTIN:
Okay, okay. (SIGHS) Fair enough. No more cheap impressions.
LEWIS:
(NORMAL) Great! Thank you, Justin.
JUSTIN:
Now, would you mind getting ready for the next sketch?
LEWIS:
Sure! No problemo!
F/X:CLOTHES RIPPED OFF. MUSIC STARTS
JUSTIN:
Now, twerk those pants against that bulldozer!
LEWIS:
Oh yeah! Here I go! Oh yeah! Here I go!
END
