British Comedy Guide

Test Results sketch

Int. Doctors surgery – Day

Dr Eckhart is busy at his PC. There is a knock at the door.

Eckhart: Enter!

Rich Stroud walks in and sits down at Dr.Eckharts desk. Dr Eckhart looks up.

Eckhart: So, what can I do for you today?

Rich: (Worried) Well I’ve come about my test results.

Eckhart: Ah yes, that’s right. I believe they came in the post this morning. Let’s just have a look for them.

Dr Eckhart starts rummaging about in his trays.

Eckhart: (continues) Ah here they are.

Dr Eckhart starts opening an envelope and reads the content. He looks concerned.

Eckhart: Oh dear, oh dear. I cannot believe what I’m reading.

Dr Eckhart looks up at Rich

Eckhart: This is very serious. I think I’m going to have to get Dr Fisk in here and have a word with him.

Rich looks distraught.

Rich: (Worried) Wh- what is it?

Dr.Eckhart holds up the letter for Rich to see.

Eckhart: It’s this phone bill. It looks as though Dr Fisk has been ringing premium rate sex lines from his surgery phone (slight pause) Again!

Rich looks openmouthed.

Rich: I’d rather we got on with MY results.

Eckhart: (to himself) I’ve told him time and time again about this. I don’t know what he sees in it.

Rich: (Forcefully) Doctor! My results, PLEASE!

Eckhart: What? Oh yes!

Eckhart rummages about in his trays and pulls out a piece of paper which he starts studying.

Eckhart: (Muttering to himself) Yes. Yes. Oh that’s excellent.

Dr.Eckhart looks up at Rich.

Eckhart: Congratulations! You’ve got a clean bill of health.

Rich sighs a sigh of relief

Rich: Oh thank God!

Eckhart: I mean we will have to keep an eye on your emissions, but apart from that everythings fine!

Rich: (Confused) My emissions?

Eckhart: Yes your emissions. It says here that…

Dr. Eckhart starts re-reading the results.

Eckhart: (embarrassed) Ah. These are the results of my Jaguar’s MOT. Okay. Hmmmm.

Rich: Do you actually have MY results?

Dr Eckhart stars rummaging about in his trays again and pulls out another piece of paper.

Eckhart: HaHa! Here they are. Rich Stroud’s test results!

Dr Eckhart starts reading the results.

Eckhart: (Muttering to himself) So, that’s 125 over 50 and that’s at a level of 25, so it must be…..

Rich suddenly looks in great pain and starts clutching his chest

Rich: (moans) My heart!

Rich falls to the floor.

Eckhart: (Looking up) Exactly! Its your heart, now…..

Eckhart looks around, but cannot see Rich’s lifeless body at the other side of the desk.

Eckhart: (to himself) Hmmm. How very odd. Well I better arrange an appointment for him at the hospital.

Dr Eckhart starts dialling a number on his phone, but then suddenly hangs up. He picks up the phonebill and starts looking at it. He looks at the phone and then back at the phonebill. He starts dialling a number.

Eckhart: (sleazily) Hello there! Oh yes, I’ve been a VERY naughty boy, Mistress!

Hey man, great sketch. Good reincorporation.

Not sure if you know but Family guy did something really similar.

Hey! Thanks for commenting, my kiwi friend.

I've not watched more than a few minutes of Family Guy, so I wasn't aware of any similarities, but I guess it's bound to happen! I was just trying to write a less warped than usual sketch!

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