You really need to have watched WWF between 1989-1992 to understand any of this whatsoever.
I find it quite easy writing parodies like this, as obviously all the characters personalities are established. So, easy to write, but impossible to film - un;ess you are a CGI wiz
Yes I understand that several of the people in this are dead!
Scene 1
Ext. A restaurant. Nighttime.
People are seen walking into a restaurant. An ornate sign is planted in the grass outside the restaurant. The sign reads:
"CHEZ WRESTLE"
"FOR ALL YOUR VETERAN WRESTLER EATING FUN"
"PLEASE LEAVE ALL CANS OF WHOOPASS AT THE DOOR"
"PROPRIETOR: LORD ALFRED HAYES"
Scene 2
Int. Chez Wrestle restaurant area.
The Fink is stood by a stand at the entrance to the restaurant, ready to announce the arrival of customers. Mean Gene Okerlund is up on a stage playing a piano.
Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are sat at one of the tables. Gorilla Monsoon has a plate which is piled high with bananas. Bobby Heenan has a plate of steak and chips. Bobby is watching in disgust as Gorilla stuffs his face.
Bobby: Oh my god! What is wrong with you?
Gorilla: (In between mouthfuls of bananas) I just love these bananas!
Bobby: I can't believe I went for dinner with the missing link. Why on earth did I turn down a night at the movies with Sensational Sherri?
Gorilla: Because I've got bigger tits.
Bobby: (Suddenly remembering) Oh yeah.
The action switches to a table in the corner where one man is on his own. It's Macho Man Randy Savage! He is wearing one of his silly technicolour outfits, moving his head about like a child with ADHD and making ridiculous hand gestures. The waiter, Sean Mooney, approaches the table.
Sean: Well it looks as though your dinner guest is going to be a little late. Would you like to order some wine in the mean time?
Macho Man: OH YEAH!
Sean: Your usual?
Macho Man: OH YEAH!
Sean: A red Bordeaux it is.
Sean departs and is quickly back with a bottle of wine which he opens and places on the table. Meanwhile, Mean Gene Okerlund looks out of the window and sees something. He looks over at The Fink and gives a nod before hammering out a familiar entrance tune. The Fink clears his throat.
The Fink: Ladies and Gentleman…..THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!!!!!!!
The Warrior runs into the restaurant, waving his arms about and shaking the curtains. He runs over to The Macho Man's table and picks up the bottle of red Bordeaux.
Warrior: FEEL THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR ANCESTORS FEET UPON THESE GRAPES. FEEL THE HISTORY, THE DREAM, THE WARRIOR JUSTICE.
The Ultimate Warrior carries on screaming as he pours the wine all over himself. He then takes his seat at Macho Man's table. Sean Mooney approaches again.
Sean: Another bottle?
Warrior: (Calmly) Please.
Suddenly all the lights go off in Chez Wrestle. Its enough to stop Gorilla Monsoon eating!
Gorilla: (In commentator mode) Oh my god! The lights have gone off! Just what is going to happen next? It could be anyones guess!
Bobby Heenan: Oh for crying out loud, you hairy idiot. Its just another clichéd entrance by The Undertaker. I mean, what next? The funeral march music?
Mean Gene Okerlund starts playing the sombre tones of the funeral march.
Bobby: Jesus!
The lights in Chez Wrestle come back on. Stood on one of the tables at the back is….The Undertaker! The Fink readies himself.
The Fink: Ladies and Gentleman, THE UNDERTAKER!!!
Bobby Heenan: (Out of view) BORING!
It is certainly a busy night at Chez Wrestle as another WWF veteran wrestler has decided to arrive! He struts through the door and The Fink gets ready to announce his entrance.
The Fink: Ladies and Gentleman……uh…..one moment!
The Fink goes over to this character and whispers are conveyed between the two. The Fink goes to introduce him, but then stops and mouths "are you sure?" at this mysterious new customer
The Fink: Ladies and Gentlemen, BIG? BULly? Busick? Hey, Mean Gene, any ideas?
We see Mean Gene sat at his piano and stroking his chin.
Mean Gene: (Muttering) Big Bully Busick? Hmmmm, I think its….
Mean Gene plays a solitary note on the piano and then looks up shaking his head.
Mean Gene: No, no. No idea.
Big Bully Busick has been quite hurt by his non-recognisal
Busick: But, but, but….I am Big Bully Busick! The old fashioned bully. I shall not stand for this behaviour.
Big Bully Busick grabs hold of The Fink's arm.
Busick: I think that a Chinese burn is order!
Suddenly we hear screams coming from outside!
Scene 3
Ext.Chez Wrestle - Night
A 50ft tall spider is walking down the street. Two characters are atop the spider holding onto its reins. As the spider gets closer to Chez Wrestle we see that a large dollar sign is painted on its side. As the spider gets even closer we see that it is being rode by The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase and Irwin R Schyster aka Money Inc! They stop just outside the restaurant.
Dibiase: HAYES! HAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! GET OUT HERE NOW!
Lord Alfred Hayes comes running out of Chez Wrestle to confront Money Inc.
Hayes: I might have known! Only Money Inc could pull a stunt like this. Or maybe Vince McMahon.
Dibiase: Now listen up HAYES! I've offered you increasing amounts of money for this place, but you just won't give it up will you? But, everybody, has a price.
Hayes: (Defiantly) No way, Dibiase. I've heard all about you from my head janitor.
Hayes clicks his fingers and out walks a grumpy looking Virgil in full janitor outfit.
Virgil: (Through gritted teeth) Don't give into him, Alf. I still remember the time he made me clean all his seasonal residences with my tongue. And man, do I have a small tongue!!!
Dibiase and Irwin R Schyster start laughing
Dibiase: You've had your chance, Hayes. You should have given in to me whilst you had the chance.
IRS: You should have paid your tax returns too.
Hayes: I'm not scared of you.
Dibiase: Oh you will be when my arachnid friend here crushes your restaurant.
Suddenly, a car screeches into the car park.
Hayes: (knowingly) Right on time!
A character leaps from the car and comes running over.
Dibiase: (Annoyed) ah crap, its Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine.
The Hammer runs up to the giant spider.
Hammer: Easy! My patented figure four leg lock will easily…easily….uh…..
The Hammer begins counting the spiders legs.
Hammer: EIGHT LEGS?! I can't do a figure four leg lock on eight whole legs! Its impossible. I'm beat. BEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
The Hammer falls on the floor in a heap and starts crying. His crying stops though when he hears the soft melody of 'Always on my mind' drift in on the wind. At the edge of the carpark, standing by a pink Cadillac, is The Honky Tonk Man! He walks over to The Hammer and picks him up.
Hammer: Oh my god, Honky! You're back! I thought we were finished after I split the band up and went off with my MC Hammer shit.
Honky: It was real hard man (wipes a tear away) but, I think its more important that two men can get together and be like brothers no matter what the world throws at them
Hammer: Well, partner. I think its time we took care of this spider problem.
Honky: Ok, man. Just one moment (turns and faces everyone who has gathered at the entrance of Chez Wrestle) TO THE CADILLAC!
Everyone starts cheering and runs over to Honky's motor. They all pull a guitar out of the back of it and run screaming over to the spider where they start performing the 'guitar shot' move on its 8 legs. The spider comes tumbling down, dead. At this point, The Big Boss Man arrives and slaps cuffs on Money Inc. They are taken away in the paddy wagon. A huge cheer goes up.
Scene 4
The restaurant is empty, apart from The Undertaker who is still standing on his table.
Undertaker: Uh…hello?
) were on a date, which Ron won on a stupid version of blind date the week before.