One of this week's failures.
Dan
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EMPTY TESCO
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INTRO:
Corner shop on performance-enhancing drugs, Tesco, created a furore this week with their ill-advised, stereotypical mental patient costume and inflatable gay boyfriend. It withdrew them both at the first hint of complaint from the boggle-eyed mentalists and musical-hugging bumboys.
ATMOS:EMPTY SUPERMARKET. MAN WALKS IN WITH BASKET
1ST ASSISTANT:
Good morning, sir!
2ND ASSISTANT:
Yes, and welcome to Tesco!
BARRY:
Erm, where is everything? The shelves are completely empty.
1ST ASSISTANT:
Ah, we've withdrawn everything from sale, sir!
2ND ASSISTANT:
We don't like to offend the hyper-sensitive, you see?
BARRY:
Oh. Well, I wanted some chicken.
1ST ASSISTANT:
Oooo- we can't sell chicken, sir.
2ND ASSISTANT:
It offends all the cowards, see?
BARRY:
Alright, I'll use beef.
1ST ASSISTANT:
Ah, we can't sell beef, either, sir.
2ND ASSISTANT:
Anyone with serious grievance has serious grievance.
BARRY:
But surely you can sell books?
1ST ASSISTANT:
Offensive to the blind.
BARRY:
Music?
2ND ASSISTANT:
The deaf.
BARRY:
Celebrity gossip magazines.
1ST/2ND ASSTS:
The stupid.
BARRY:
I guess I needn't ask about Gypsy Creams.
1ST ASSISTANT:
No, sir.
2ND ASSISTANT:
We had to move them on too.
BARRY:
So, there's nothing I can buy in this store at all?
1ST ASSISTANT:
Only the wooden shelves themselves, sir.
2ND ASSISTANT:
And the nails in 'Hardware'.
BARRY:
Well, I'll take them all!
1ST ASSISTANT:
Ah, I'm afraid it's one or the other, sir.
2ND ASSISTANT:
No, you can't have both together.
BARRY:
Why not?
2ND ASSISTANT:
We couldn't possibly sell anything that may constitute a fence.
END
