UKTV Gold Christmas Cracker Joke Competition Page 11

Quote: Will Cam @ 23rd October 2018, 9:45 AM

So, I haven't posted any of my efforts yet this year but lying in bed last night I thought of a genuinely funny topical gag.

Option 1. Roll over, get my phone and put it in notes in case I forget it.

Option 2. Go to sleep, rely on my memory and note it down in the morning.

Fill in your own ending.......

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Yes the old favourite option 2 ha ha.
Option 3 Force yourself to reach over for your pad and pen and actually write out the brilliant quip in full then roll over and fall back asleep very self satisfied and smug. Wake up in morning look at the page and can't read a word of the jumbled up scrawl.

I like the Corbyn ones they're great.

Entering mine now - What do a pint of Guinness and a Catholic priest have in common? Answer - They both have a long black coat, a white collar, they're famous Irish exports with most going to America, and if you get a dodgy one you've got to watch your arse.

Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 24th October 2018, 3:51 AM

Yes the old favourite option 2 ha ha.
Option 3 Force yourself to reach over for your pad and pen and actually write out the brilliant quip in full then roll over and fall back asleep very self satisfied and smug. Wake up in morning look at the page and can't read a word of the jumbled up scrawl.

I like the Corbyn ones they're great.

Entering mine now - What do a pint of Guinness and a Catholic priest have in common? Answer - They both have a long black coat, a white collar, they're famous Irish exports with most going to America, and if you get a dodgy one you've got to watch your arse.

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Thank God that's over. Worryingly, I found it too much fun. Some people even posted previous winning entries!
Good luck to anyone who entered.

That resonates with me B T F

I was surprised how many people hadn't grasped the brief:

Xmas
Topical/modern culture
Xmas cracker type joke.
ORIGINAL JOKES!

Although I have to admit that a few of mine had the Xmas reference shoehorned in.

You can also guarantee that people won't have rad the finish date and will keep posting today >_<

Yes the shoehorning bit was tricky and I almost felt a fake doing it but it was worth a go!

I think it's all a bit hit and miss anyway. I was one of the top 6 the year before last (hamper was nice - still haven't opened the crackers), with a gag that wasn't my funniest but was about Hilary Clinton, and there weren't many of them. It was a good exercise in gag writing though. I steered clear of Russian spies on the theory that someone having died would make it difficult for Gold to pick. Saying that I did do a me too gag which again they might steer clear of. My favourite gag I wrote, which is outside of a traditional cracker joke was:

Theresa May is going to recreate a famous film dance at the Tory Xmas party.

Footloose?

No, but then there's not much movement in the knees either.

Good luck everyone!

Quote: Will Cam @ 29th October 2018, 9:40 AM

Footloose?

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Oscar Pistorius' least favorite film.
I tried again this year, but I keep writing total shit.

I actually found it much harder this year.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 29th October 2018, 11:02 AM

Oscar Pistorius' least favorite film.
I tried again this year, but I keep writing total shit.

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Quote: Will Cam @ 29th October 2018, 9:40 AM

I think it's all a bit hit and miss anyway. I was one of the top 6 the year before last (hamper was nice - still haven't opened the crackers), with a gag that wasn't my funniest but was about Hilary Clinton, and there weren't many of them. It was a good exercise in gag writing though. I steered clear of Russian spies on the theory that someone having died would make it difficult for Gold to pick. Saying that I did do a me too gag which again they might steer clear of. My favourite gag I wrote, which is outside of a traditional cracker joke was:

Theresa May is going to recreate a famous film dance at the Tory Xmas party.

Footloose?

No, but then there's not much movement in the knees either.

Good luck everyone!

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Adding to your list on the brief - family-friendly and non-libellous!

I liked your joke above and the one you did mentioning the 'twist' and the trainset one (a unique way to get in Christmas I thought!).
I did Russian spy ones and one on 'no skripals' as in scruples which I nearly deleted as in bad taste. There were loads of Russian /novichok/Salisbury/advent ones so as I guess they'll only do one on this subject, if any, success is unlikely! I did a few Universal Credit ones. There weren't many UC ones but equally my UC ones weren't too funny. There were loads of Theresa May/Brexit/dance ones. I added to them!

There are a lot of similar gag ideas floating around and imitation is the best form of flattery but, even so, more than a few 'borrowed jokes' on there maybe...getting in the top 6 is great considering there are clearly 1000s. I didn't count but I would guess over 5000. Even taking out the many that did not meet the brief there must be loads of competition

Quote: B T F @ 29th October 2018, 4:49 PM

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Everyone needs legends. Except Pistorius, he needs leg ends.

Quote: Will Cam @ 29th October 2018, 11:16 AM

I actually found it much harder this year.

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I had to go a whole day without making any childish innuendos. It was long and hard, but I pulled it off.
This competitions's been entered more times than my mother, so good luck...

It looks like the original UKTV Gold page has gone, since the competition is over.

Has anyone heard from them, regarding winners?

Or are we destined to binge the whole schedule to find out?

I think the results will be out on December 11 or 12.

Just looked. My previous reply was not accurate. Looks like the winner is contacted up.to 3 working days before the 11th.

The winner and runners up have been informed in the last couple of days but have been sworn to secrecy.