NJ SKETCH: Whither Assange?

This is one where I really liked the idea but failed to do it justice (and also didn't put the time in - not even working in a Justin intro gag). Interested how long others work on a sketch?

NJ SKETCH: WHITHER ASSANGE?

JUSTIN:This week, Wikileaks maliciously leaked the script for Benedict Cumberpatch's new movie about the life of Julian Assange, a role Cumberpatch admitted he agonized over taking. That sounds like quite a drama in itself. Hmmm....

NARRATOR:From Newsjack Films comes a self-referential movie experience like none before it. Acclaimed biopic legend Michael Sheen plays Benedict Cumberpatch considering whether to play Julian Assange...

SHEEN:I must do this, for the sake of my art, and for everyone who wants to see me as a platinum blond.

SIDEKICK:Are you doing Tony Blair again?

SHEEN:No, that was my channeling-Cumberpatch-thinking- about-channeling-Assange voice.

SIDEKICK:It still sounds a lot like Tony Blair. Are you Tony Blair?

NARRATOR:Also starring Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth the Second acting out the phrase "Queen Elizabeth the First" in a game of charades, with Prince Charles played by, wait for it, Michael Sheen.

MIRRENay attention now.

SHEENAS PRINCE CHARLES STILL SOUNDING A LOT LIKE TONY BLAIR) Four words. First two words... You? Old bag? Mumsy Wumsy? Queen Elizabeth?

MIRREN:Yes! Keep going.

SHEEN:Queen Elizabeth-Queen Elizabeth-"Queen Elizabeth to abdicate"?

MIRREN:Take him away, Camilla.

NARRATOR:We even gave the script to Dame Judi Dench's agent.

DENCH:What's this? Another Bond script?

AGENT:No, but I think you should take it.

DENCH:Can I still play "M"?

AGENT:Why the hell not.

NARRATORid we mention we have cameos by American actors who like to pretend they're British? Well we do. Like Gwenyth Paltrow...

PALTROW: I'm not annoying. Do you think I'm annoying? Because I'm not. I'm really not. Not.

NARRATOR:And Gillian Anderson...

ANDERSONcully? Who's Scully? Mention Scully again and I'll kick your ass, I mean arse.

NARRATOR:And American non-actors, like Madonna.

MADONNA:That's just not right, guv'ner!

NARRATOR:This is the movie that's not afraid to ask the big questions. Like: Does Michael Sheen really exist or was it Tony Blair all along? And: Why won't Michael Fassbender return our calls? It's not because our movie's rubbish.

FASSBENDER: Yes it is.

NARRATOR:"Whither Assange?" Because Benedict Cumberpatch makes every other actor feel woefully inadequate.

DISCLAIMER:This movie is not authorized by, nor does it feature, Benedict Cumberpatch. Unfortunately.

END

It's as "newsjacky" and as good as anything they use so maybe it's a bit of a lottery.