Here's a silly intro sketch that I can't really use anywhere else.
Dan
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LEWIS HACK
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F/X:JUSTIN WHISTLING AND WALKING UP TO STUDIO DOOR. DOOR OPENS. ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE INSIDE
JUSTIN:
Argh! What's going on?
MARGARET:
It's Lewis! He's being remotely controlled by those cyberhackers that attacked Santander!
LEWIS:
(RUNNING, KEN DODD) Diddy doddy diddy men, diddy men! Ooo-hoooo-hoooooo!
PIPPA:
(RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM) Nooooooo!!! Don't you dare tickle me! No! Noooooo! (GIGGLES UNCONTROLLABLY)
MARGARET:
Watch out for that incoming Joe Pasquale! Too late.
LEWIS:
(JOE PASQUALE 'NOISE')
JUSTIN:
Argh! Oooooh... I feel like I've been through ten rounds with Mike Yarwood. What in the Noel Edmunds happened?!
MARGARET:
The hacker just walked in plain-as-day, dressed as the Head of the BBC Trust and plugged an clever electronic box into his neck!
JUSTIN:
Dressed as the Head of the Trust?
MARGARET:
He was wearing one of those Judges' wigs. Anyway, he's making Lewis do impressions of very old celebrities in order to compromise Newsjack's integrity!
JUSTIN:
Oh my God! It's even worse than I've always imagined!
MARGARET:
You've 'always imagined' this?
JUSTIN:
Well, yes. But more often than not, he's wearing suspenders--HUCK!
F/X:ROBOT GRABS JUSTIN BY THE NECK, THROWS HIM UP BY THE WALL
LEWIS:
(ARNIE) Give me your sort code, your account number and your motorbility scooter!
JUSTIN:
(CHOKING) I-I-I... okay... erm... can't... breathe...
LEWIS:
(LES DAWSON) Give me them or I swear I will tell mother-in-law jokes until you choke!
JUSTIN:
(CHOKING) No! That's really not necessary! Erm... why do you want them exactly?
LEWIS:
(EAMONN ANDREWS) I need to get them so I can take your Newsjack pay! Your money or This Is Your Life!
JUSTIN:
But I don't get paid for Newsjack.
LEWIS:
(JACK NICHOLSON) What?
JUSTIN:
I pay them! You know. For the 'privilege'.
LEWIS:
I... err... I... err. Does. Not. Compute. (ET) Phone home! (TED ROGERS) 3-2-1 I'm afraid you-you-you've won Dusty Bin! (FIZZING) Doooooeessss. Not-- oh... (LESLIE CROWTHER) Come on down! (RUSS ABBOTT) C U Jimmy! (MR MIYAGI) Wax on, wax off!
F/X:BANG BANG BA-BANG
MARGARET:
Well done, Justin! You've blown up the hacking box that was attached!
JUSTIN:
Erm, okay.
MARGARET:
Ooooooh... no.
JUSTIN:
What?
MARGARET:
(SIGHS) It looks like he's reset to default.
LEWIS:
(WOGAN, CHUCKLES) Ahaha! On with the show...
END
