AIDE:
Ed...
ED:
Duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh....
AIDE:
Look, now's not the time for trumpeteering!
ED:
It's not?
AIDE:
Listen, there's no easy way of saying this... but you've been accused of telling tales about other boys.
ED:
By whom?
AIDE:
By Derek... who told Damian... who then told the whole world via his new book! But of course, it's all a load of rubbish, isn't it?
ED:
Look, he tricked me into telling him what I told him!
AIDE:
How?
ED:
He promised that if I scratched his back, he'd teach me a four-letter word.
AIDE:
And did he?
ED:
Yes, but the word was 'tory'.
AIDE:
Well, to be fair, it does only have four letters... and it is pretty offensive.
ED:
But it was already in my vocabulary!
AIDE:
Look Ed, what's done is done. Our job now, is to make it look like you HAVEN'T done anything at all.
ED:
But how?
AIDE:
Well, we've managed it for the past three years, so it shouldn't be too difficult. Look, you're just gonna have to prove that you're a strong leader.
ED:
By delegating responsibility?
AIDE:
No, by manning up for once.
ED:
But I'm not a man... and I've got two undescended testes to prove it!
AIDE:
Well then, there's only one alternative... and that's for you to start telling tales about Derek and Damian.
ED:
What would be my reward?
AIDE:
Well, you'd clear your name for starters... and I'd probably feel inclined to teach you a PROPER four-letter word.
ED:
Teach me it now, and you've got yourself a deal.
AIDE:
Alright.... poop!
ED:
Huzzah!
END