JUSTIN:
'Slutgate' has kept many an intruder out of the Playboy mansion. But thanks to a quip from a now ex-UKIP whip, the phrase has acquired a whole new meaning.
So, what is the truth? Are Eurosceptic women prim and prude or are they sex-ravenous?
GRAMS: SLEAZY ADVERT MUSIC
NARRATOR:
Are you as horny as you are patriotic? Then get some relief by calling a nymph housewife today.
HOUSEWIFE:
Ooh, there's literally nothing I wouldn't do... except FRENCH kissing!
NARRATOR:
Call now; and you can bring Middle England into the middle of your living room.
HOUSEWIFE:
You can take your Euros and shove 'em up your arse... or I could do it for you.
NARRATOR:
We guarantee that every call will be rated X... for xenophobic.
HOUSEWIFE:
Only British handymen are allowed to access to my plumbing system!
NARRATOR:
Our ladies will indulge ALL your fantasies... even if they're not at all PC.
HOUSEWIFE:
Ooh, I'm being pleasured by another woman, and you're shouting homophobic abuse at me!
NARRATOR:
So, if you're after a taste of drinking man's crumpet, you know what number to call.
HOUSEWIFE:
You should be an MEP... what with your Massive Erect Penis! Ooh!
END