I can't finish this off properly. Any ideas? Is it even worth finishing off?
CHINA IN MY HAND
JANE COOPER, PRESENTER, STANDS IN A GARDEN, TALKING.
JANE COOPER:
This week we meet the drummer of a band whose name will be familiar to many older viewers - Eighties legends T'Pau. He's set up a very special project to help members of the music profession who're suffering from the stressful effects of the rock 'n roll lifestyle.
THE DRUMMER FROM T'PAU APPEARS
Here he is - the drummer from T'Pau.
DRUMMER FROM T'PAU:
Hi Chris.
JANE COOPER:
It's Jane. But look, I can't keep on calling you 'the drummer from T'Pau'. Perhaps you'd like to tell the viewers your real name.
DTP:
If you don't mind, Chris, I'd like the brand to be shown a little respect.
JANE COOPER:
Can I interest you in 'DFTP'. Or just 'DTP'?
DTP:
No, I require the full moniker, Chris. There are sponsorship issues involved.
JANE COOPER:
Jane. Well, the drummer from T'Pau, perhaps you'd like to tell us a little bit about this project of yours.
DTP:
Sure. You know, rock 'n roll is a cruel mistress. It's given me a lot but it's taken a lot too.
JANE COOPER:
You mean the drugs, the booze, the disastrous personal relationships?
DTP:
No. The loss of personal dignity - have you seen the costumes they used to make us wear?
JANE COOPER:
(SMIRKS) Yup.
DTP:
Right, well, the thing about the people I'm trying to help is that they're all very fragile individuals, but on the other hand they're very beautiful, y'know, very precious. (PAUSE) So I've called the charity 'China in my Hand'.
JANE COOPER:
Which also, the drummer from T'Pau, happens to be very close to the name of your best-known hit.
DTP:
That's right.
JANE COOPER:
And I suppose you've put your 'Heart and Soul' into this project?
DTP:
I have, yes.
JANE COOPER:
OK, well, tell us a bit about it then.
DTP:
The main thing we do here is garden-based therapy.
JANE COOPER:
And what exactly is garden-based therapy?
DTP:
Well, basically, it's gardening. I mean I've learnt a few things over the years. Don't trust Lemmy with a rotorvator for instance, and this old rose bush (INDICATES BARE PATCH ON GROUND) has never recovered from Robert Smith weeping on it ten years ago.
JANE COOPER:
Can we meet some of the - well, what do you call them? Patients?
DTP:
Inmates. Sure. Step this way. (THEY WALK, PETE DOHERTY APPEARS). Here's Pete Doherty.
DOHERTY:
It's Peter Doherty now.
DTP:
Yeah. Pete's been with us for two weeks now, using the garden to try to stop him being such a pathetic, drug-addled excuse for a human being who's lucky to be alive. To help him work through some difficult personal issues I mean.
DOHERTY:
(TO JANE). Hi (TO DTP) I wanna go DTP...
DTP ADOPTS AGGRESSIVE STANCE
DTP:
Full moniker!
DOHERTY:
OK, the drummer from T'Pau - I just wanna go. I've dug this patch, planted the carrots, pruned the roses, mowed the lawn. And I'm cured, man. I'm clean.
DTP:
I'll be the judge of that.
DOHERTY:
You can't keep me here. I'm going.
HE MAKES A MOVE TO GO. DTP ADOPTS A MARTIAL ARTS STANCE.
DTP:
Don't take another step or I will perform the song.
DOHERTY:
I'm not afraid of you.
DOHERTY TRIES TO LEAVE.
DTP:
You had fair warning. (SINGS BADLY) 'Don't push too far, your dreams are china in your hand...'
DOHERTY STOPS DEAD AND THEN RETRACES STEPS
DOHERTY:
OK, OK. I'll get back to work.
DTP: He's just one of five stars I have here at the moment and, as you can see, they're china in my hand. Although, regrettably, I had to let Liam Gallagher back into the community last week.
JANE COOPER:
And do you feel the therapy you offer here is beneficial?
DTP:
Of course. Just look at these geraniums. Have you ever seen such a radiant bloom? Marc Almond was responsible for that, interestingly.