Probably completely untopical by the time I sent it in and probably not funny enough, but its still only the first week, best to get the crap stuff out of the way first.
As you can tell I'm not the biggest fan of topical comedy.
JUSTIN
In an effort to resolve the growing tensions between Britain and Spain over the sovereignty of
Gibraltar, top ministers have reluctantly enlisted the services of one of their less then orthodox
advisors. Kevin.
FX CUTS TO A BUSY OFFICE, PHONES RINGING AND PEOPLE QUIETLY TALKING.
MINISTER 1
Do we really need him? I mean after the last time, the climate panel; we were an absolute
laughing stock.
MINISTER 2
He wasn't that bad.
MINISTER 1
He spent 3 hours explaining the logistics of sending the entire livestock population of the
world to the moon. He's insane!
MINISTER 2
Well he does have relatives in high places.
MINISTER 1
Well I hope they're large, heavy and succumb to gravity whenever he opens his mouth.
FXTHE DOOR TO THE OFFICE OPENS.
KEVIN
Hi guys!
MINISTER 1
(Whistles as if a bomb is dropping.)
MINISTER 2
Ah, good morning Kevin; I believe you have a proposal in relation to...Gibraltar?
KEVIN
Yes, I do!
MINISTER 1
(Mimics the sound of a bomb exploding.)
MINISTER
So what's your suggestion then?
KEVIN
That we separate Gibraltar from Spain.
MINISTER 1
Oh! That's brilliant! Why did we not think of that? Oh that'd be right, we'd be 300 years too
bloody late!
MINISTER 2
Ignore my colleague, he's bit wound up. So what are you proposing? A completely closed
border?
KEVIN
No, we line the actual entrance to the peninsula with several thousand tonnes of explosive
and boom! We can physically separate the two countries; it's a foolproof system.
MINISTER 1
To get into a mental asylum. Tell me, have you ever invested in a straight jacket?
MINISTER 2
Saying we were to put aside diplomatic suicide and quite possible lunacy for one moment.
How would this solution be any better than poking the Spanish ambassador in the eye?
KEVIN
Well with Gibraltar separated from Spain, the navy could then tow the peninsula back to the
British Isles; the Spanish won't even notice!
MINISTER 1
Yes, I'm sure the Spanish won't think anything of the whole Gibraltar peninsula just casually
being towed up the length of their coastline by most of the British navy.
MINISTER 2
Right well, we might just file that one under...wishful thinking. Do you have any other...
serious proposals?
MINISTER 1
Or do you just want to start a war with Spain.
KEVIN
Well I do have one other suggestion, now I don't want you to blow this out of water but...
MINISTER 1
Don't worry, I've got the navy on standby.
KEVIN
Do you accept that Spain is the main part of the problem?
MINISTER 2
Well yes, I suppose.
KEVIN
Then I think we may need some more explosives.