NJ: Petite Theft Auto

Well, I liked it...

Dan

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PETITE THEFT AUTO
===================

JUSTIN:
The new version of Grand Theft Auto was released this week. Campaigners were livid! It should be 'Grande' with an 'E', as Auto Theft is notoriously feminine...

ATMOS:ACTION GAMES AD BUT FOR LITTLE KIDS, IN A NURSERY

V/O:
(LIKE X-FACTOR V/O) New! From TwinkleTwinkleLittleStar Games! 'Petite Theft Auto'!

F/XQUEAKY BEEP BEEP OF KIDS' CAR

GANGSTER:
Get out of the way!

F/X:BUILDING BLOCKS FALL OVER

V/O:
That's right! Steal ride-on cars, trains and aeroplanes and from tiny, innocent, little kids!

GANGSTER:
Mine!

F/XUSH. KID FALLS OVER. BAWLING

GANGSTER:
Broom broom!

F/X:MAN PUSHING HIMSELF ALONG ON TINY CAR

V/O (CT'D):
Snatch toy cars from toddlers!

GANGSTER:
(SNATCH) Gimme!

F/X:LITTLE KID CRYING

GANGSTER (CT'D):
Loo-oooo-hzer!

V/O:
In fact, cause any havoc you like in a nursery! Hold teddy bears to ransom! Tie Barbie dolls to Hornby railway tracks! Even tell tales on children and Make! Them! Cry!

F/X:NURSERY FULL OF CRYING KIDS

V/O (CT'D):
There are literally no rules!

GANGSTER:
(LAUGHS LONG AND HARD) Look at you all: you can't even talk proper!

V/O:
Except for the nursery rules, parents' agreements, and wearing those blue shoe covers at all times! But watch out for that big boss slash nursery manager!

NURSERY BOSS:
Right, you! C'm'ere!

F/X:GANGSTER WRESTLED TO THE GROUND

GANGSTER:
No! Gerroff me!

NURSERY BOSS:
Okay, girls! You know what to do... naughty step!

F/X:MARCHED TO NAUGHTY STEP, WHILST STRUGGLING

GANGSTER:
Aarrrrrrrrrrrrggghhhh! (BEAT) No! Nooooooooooo!

NURSERY BOSS:
Now, Dean. Sit there and think about what you've done!

GANGSTER:
A boo-hoo-hoo!

F/X:GANGSTER CRIES LIKE A LITTLE KID

GANGSTER (CT'D):
Want mummy! (WAILS)

V/O:
'Petite Theft Auto'. Get your copy today! Rated '18 months'.

END

Great intro joke. I struggled with the jump from grand theft auto to petite. Maybe you should have mentioned it in intro to prepare audience

Or maybe have the whole set-up, the argument/fight over the car, then a reveal that it's one of those coin-operated cars they have outside arcades for kids to ride in?

Not sure how you'd do it, but I'm always better at ideas than execution

There were plenty of nice gags sprinkled throughout and there was a story running through it which was good, but that story just didn't feel strong enough to me. The 'feminine' auto theft gag didn't feel right either as there was no truth in it.

I really liked most of it.
I think I would laugh till it hurts if I saw it for real.

V/O:
(LIKE X-FACTOR V/O) New! From TwinkleTwinkleLittleStar Games! 'Petite Theft Auto'!

F/X: SQUEAKY BEEP BEEP OF KIDS' CAR

GANGSTER:
Get out of the way!

F/X: BUILDING BLOCKS FALL OVER

V/O:
That's right! Steal ride-on cars, trains and aeroplanes and from tiny, innocent, little kids!

GANGSTER:
Mine!

F/X: PUSH. KID FALLS OVER. BAWLING

GANGSTER:
Broom broom!

F/X: MAN PUSHING HIMSELF ALONG ON TINY CAR

V/O (CT'D):
Snatch toy cars from toddlers!

GANGSTER:
(SNATCH) Gimme!

F/X: LITTLE KID CRYING

GANGSTER (CT'D):
Loo-oooo-hzer!

V/O:
In fact, cause any havoc you like in a nursery! Hold teddy bears to ransom! Tie Barbie dolls to Hornby railway tracks! Even tell tales on children and Make! Them! Cry!

F/X: NURSERY FULL OF CRYING KIDS

V/O (CT'D):
There are literally no rules!

GANGSTER:
(LAUGHS LONG AND HARD) Look at you You can't even talk proper.

V/O:
'Petite Theft Auto'. Get your copy today! Rated '18 months'.

END