NJ Street gangs

PIPPA
Morning Justin! We've just been reading this story about the fall in the number of street gangs.

JUSTIN
Is that so?

LEWIS
Yeah, apparently in the West Midlands about half of them have packed it in already.

JUSTIN
Well, that's marvellous. Remind me to send a bouquet of flowers to the West Midlands.

PIPPA
What's the matter with you?

JUSTIN
I'll tell you what the matter is Pippa. I joined Newsjack two years ago, and ever since that day you and the rest of the team have welcomed me. You've made me part of the family, and I've always appreciated that. But I also made it damn clear to you that no matter what else happens: the gang comes first.

PIPPA
Justin, you have a career now! It's time to quit your street gang lifestyle.

JUSTIN
You don't just quit the Blood Oranges.

PIPPA
People die in these gangs!

JUSTIN
Look, we all miss Miles Jupp, but he knew the risks when he put on the uniform. You don't dress for cricket on gang day.

LEWIS
You need help son. We're afraid of what might happen.

JUSTIN
You think you know fear? Sandi Toksvig, drenched in blood and oranges, howling at the moon - that's fear.

PIPPA
Wait, who's in this gang?

JUSTIN
Everyone on the News Quiz, most of the old Doctor Whos and Stephen Fry on a motorcycle, which he completely pulls off.

PIPPA
Ooh, can I join?

LEWIS
Pippa!

JUSTIN
Can you dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

PIPPA
As long as it's not a school night!

JUSTIN
You're in.

END.

I liked the premise of it, but I think you use too much exposition to get the sotry across for example you could have just had Justin - they think street gangs are falling, we're just on the down low, blood (Or something) then straight into Pippa trying to talk him out of that lifestyle. I personally missed that story, but like I say it's a good premise

Thanks blahblah, yeah reading it back I agree it's got too much setup, think I was trying to make it too conversational.

It's easy to assume the audience won't know what story you're talking about so you end up over explaining it - we've all done it or like you say wanting it to seem conversational/natural and full of banter but always best to dive straight in

i agree, cut the bit up to flowers. I think you need to create a funny picture of the ex doctor whos etc being on the street or else forget about it being a street gang and have it as some illuminati type thing.

Thanks tony kay