JUSTIN - A recent poll said the majority of graduates were not work ready, which is handy because they aren't any jobs. But when jobs do become available we would like the current crop of students to know how to behave so we have produced an informational film
BOSS -
This memo you put on my desk
EMPLOYEE - Is there a problem?
BOSS - It's from head office you should have put it in the bin. Screw the system right (Laughs) Please like me
EMPLOYEE -
I'll just get on with my work
HOST -
Stop! Can you see her mistake? You should always laugh at your superiors rubbish jokes. Hi I'm WeakPun McRudeWord and I'm here to show you graduates how to act at work. This is Jane Seymour and she is a recent drama graduate who has taken the Newsjack work skills course. She is just like you because this is actually her first job since graduating, correct?
JANE -
This is my first job that didn't later turn out to be porn, yes
HOST -
Great. I seem to remember you rather enjoyed our How To Avoid Work class. What did you learn from that?
JANE -
Perfect your time management skills. For example if you need a wee, pretend you need a poo. If you're a man and don't feel right doing this, sit down, which almost makes it true
HOST -
And who doesn't enjoy a sit down wee?
JANE -
We women do take it for granted
HOST -
Let's take a look at-
JANE -
Can I put my shirt back on?
HOST -
Yup. Here's another graduate who is putting some of our advice into action
MAN 1 -
..and then there's cousin Sue,, the twins, and not forgetting John Boy
BOSS -
Wow, that's quite a lot of family
HOST -
It sure is, and none of them are real they are Lemming Relatives. They're just waiting to be killed off when he fancies a hangover day or a day to lie in bed and think is this it? Is this my life? Why God why!!
MAN 1 -
Thanks Newsjack
HOST -
Next week how to justify stealing from work
END